Shinji's bad day in life
by MyWay
Summary: Welcome to Shinji's bad day in life. You think your life sucks? Read and feel relieved, that others have a worse life than you'll ever have. TAADAA, UPDATED! Thought I was dead, you were? Brain-dead, maybe... but no one can stop me... NO ONE! MUAHAHAHAH
1. Good Morning

You know 'em? "Those days" ... everything goes wrong and just as you think 'It can't get any worse', it gets worse? I'm sure you know them... well, everyone of us can imagine, how such an unpleasant day would look like in the case of Shinji Ikari. If you can not, read this story. If you can, read the story as well. If you don't like it, please don't flame me to hell... If you like it, send a nice review and smile for the rest of the week. I know, my English is no better than Shinji's courage, so please be kind... and I know I left out some commas...

Disclaimer: I own my underwear, my shirt and my lucky egg. I do not own Evangelion, it's characters or something like that. That's Gainax's business.

"Random text" This is in speech (means, what people say out loud / those voices you hear in your head!)

'I love women' This is in thought (means, what people think, all quiet for themselves)

-:I am lonely:- This is people talking over a phone… I am sure you all heard of that.

**Sneeze sniff** This is what people actually do, in mid sentence.

-\-\-\-\-\-\- flashback -\-\-\-\-\-\- This is the start of a flashback

-/-/-/-/-/-/- flashback end -/-/-/-/-/-/- And this, how surprising, is the end of a flashback.

!(A/N: I love cheeseburgers!)! This is just random rambling from the author.

**Chapter one: Good Morning.**

Shinji woke up. He stretched for some seconds and yawned.

"Ohaiyo..." he said to himself, half asleep with his eyes barely open. He got up and put his clothes on. He yawned again as he got out of his room and into the kitchen.

"Well, let's prepare something delicious..."'… before I get ripped apart…' He knew, that he had to brighten up the mood of his housemates.

"Asuka has her time of month and Misato will have a hangover **sigh** Dear Lord," he extended his arms sideways and looked to the ceiling, waiting a second for inspiration, "have some mercy for good old Shinji." he prayed with a smile.

He walked over to the fridge and as he opened it, he saw that they were out of eggs.

"Well, no fresh pancakes today..." He checked all of their food supplies and was rather shocked.

"No instant pancakes either... not even toast bread. I've got nothing here…_living hell_ is what people would call this morning." he moaned and nodded to himself.

'Perhaps there is some food in the beer fridge.' Shinji thought desperately. As he opened that one he was under real shock.

"No beer either??? Geez... and I have no hop or malt." He sighed and made a grimace. "I think some Shinji-home-brewed one wouldn't do it anyway." He shook his head.

There was no breakfast and no beer. At times like this, Shinji hated his life.

"How the heck can that be??? We had everything on stock yesterday..." he complained. He knew already, this morning would be a ride to hell and back. Well, to hell yes… back… who knows.

He froze as he heard the sound of a door being opened. 'Oh, that's bad...' Then, just seconds later, another door opened. '… And things turn worse.'

"Let me first! I am the great Asuka Sohryu Langley, the Second Children, the best of all pilots … I am of high importance." Asuka growled in bad mood.

"I am Major Misato Katsuragi, Director of NERV Operations and I am your superior. I am going first." Misato jangled back.

'And I am Shinji Ikari, the poor devil who is fucked up this morning...'

The argument about the bathroom lasted for another five minutes, but Shinji didn't listen. He looked for a way to save his sorry ass. And, to his own surprise, he found some kiwi fruits in the back of the fridge and, to his very surprise, he found an alcohol-free beer. (Only god knows, how such a drink found it's way in there)

After he prepared the _breakfast_ he was quite proud of his doing.

'With a little bit of luck and a gentle kick from god, they are too sleepy or annoyed to notice any difference' he hoped.

To his unlucky surprise, both women entered the kitchen at the same time. They stood at the door. _Dawn of the dead was greeting_. 'Oh, worst case closing in!' he thought and swallowed.

"H-had a good night?" Shinji asked nervously.

Both women came closer.

"Where is my breakfast? You do not want me to eat these rotten things, do you?"

"Where is my beer? I seriously hope that non-alcoholic thing is just a joke!"

'Where is my fuckin' gentle kick from god???' Shinji thought annoyed.

"Well, we are out of everything. No eggs, no instant things, no toast and no beer. I can't serve you anything this morning, except for this mumble assortment on the table."

Shinji hoped, they would have some understanding for his situation; that they would have some mercy for him. However, hopes are for those who have no luck.

"That's not my problem! And if you have to run around and sing "_I am the chicken-girl_." I don't care. I want real breakfast and I want it now!" Asuka stated with some force in her voice.

"Beer. I want real beer, no matter how you do it, just do it!" Misato said in her commanding voice.

'I want to be on a tropical island without all of you! A COMPLETELY uninhabited island...'

"The stores are not open yet, so I can't even buy something! I am really sorry, but you have to get breakfast on your way to school and you have to surpass a morning without beer."

Shinji immediately noticed, that his last sentence would do no good to his popularity in this apartment.

"You'll be sorry for that!"

"Next mission, you'll have the stooge part!"

Shinji sighed. Why him? Why is he the guy without any luck? Because the author is a sadist!!!

"You know what? Before I get killed in this apartment, I'll go to school."

He rose up, picked up his bag on the way out and left the apartment, not saying another word.

He walked down the sideway. The streets were wet; it had rained yesterday. Although it was early in the morning, the temperature was comfortable. Fresh, but not cold.

"This day can only improve..." he whined silently into the streets. Just seconds later, a car drove through a puddle and splattered plenty of the dirty water on Shinji. He just stopped moving.

"Great...sigh it was obvious, wasn't it?" He looked up to the sky. "Say, you really hate me, right? You send Angels on my ass and make my life a living hell. You think this is funny? Yeah, I'll bet you're laughing your sadistic ass off right now." He eventually calmed down a bit and continued his way to school.

Shinji made a detour, so he could pick up some breakfast. Unfortunately he got lost in some side streets and had an unpleasant encounter with a dog who was very big and in a very bad mood; The calf-sized dog chased him for a while. Finally, with slightly torn trousers and no breakfast, Shinji arrived at school. Five minutes before class.

'At least I can't have that much bad luck in school' he thought.

!(A/N: I think otherwise…)!

----------------------

Will Shinji's rest of the day be peaceful? Will god die of oxygen deficiency? And where the hell is the lost sock I washed today?

Answers to these entire questions in the next chapter or in your afterlife.


	2. Good Old School

Answer 1: Definitely not!

Answer 2: Only god knows!

Answer 3: I haven't found that damn sock yet!!!

All right, you probably enjoyed the first chapter. If you have not, perhaps we can change that in this chapter. I was actually surprised, I've received more or less good reviews! Thanks to you all!

Disclaimer: I still own my underwear, my shirt and my lucky egg! Evangelion, it's characters and Fort Knox are unfortunately not in my possession. (Partly Gainax's belongings!)

"RUN FORREST, RUN" This is in speech (means, what people say out loud / those voices that tell you to do bad things!)

'I love women' This is in thought (means, what people think, mostly to themself)

-:I am lonely:- This is people talking over a phone or any other communication device.

**Sneeze sniff** This is what people actually do, in mid sentence. Usually people use stars, but FFdotNET WON'T LET ME USE 'EM!!!

-\-\-\-\-\-\- flashback -\-\-\-\-\-\- This is the start of a flashback

-/-/-/-/-/-/- flashback end -/-/-/-/-/-/- is the end of a flashback.

!(A/N: I am no sadist... i just like torturing Fanfic characters!)! This is what I, the almighty author, am telling you reader directly.

Did someone ever tell you, that you can NOT lick your own elbow? Yann-kun can!

Yann-kun: That I do! **Poses** GO ME!!

* * *

Chapter Two. Good Old School 

Shinji entered the assembly hall and was on his way to class, when it happened. He was running through the corridors as he slipped at the top of some stairs. His enormous tempo and uncle gravity did the rest. Shinji rumbled down the stairs, rather painful. Landing, his rear first, he couldn't catch a breath.

"Hey, you all right?" someone asked him.

"Not **painful moan** really..." He stretched his back and you could hear his spine crack several times.

"I thought everybody would be in class, so I started mopping. I am really sorry." Shinji looked up and recognized the man as the janitor.

"Don't worry, it fits perfectly into my day." Shinji said with a faint smile. The man helped him up, tapping off the dust and dirt from his shirt.

Shinji mumbled something and continued his way to class, slowly! He could see his classroom door.

'It can only improve…'

As he opened the door, he was proven otherwise. A fist, Shinji was not sure who it belonged to at this time, hit him in the face. Shinji was pushed back and down.

Shinji was unconscious. He was dreaming. Something of a tropical island, a jukebox and a fishing pole.

"Perhaps we should get the nurse here?" a female voice stated unsure, far far away from Shinji.

'Voices?'

"He's tough, he won't need a nurse!" Shinji knew that voice. One of his friends. The voices seemed to come closer

"Why the hell did you hit him?" Shinji recognized that it was Hikari who was scolding someone, as usual.

"Hell, I haven't seen him! I wanted to hit the door. I – am - sorry, alright???" Toji said. The voices were now just around him. Slowly he opened his eyes.

"Hey pal, you alright? I am real sorry, I didn't mean to hit you. I was angry and-"

"Help him up or I will make you clean the school for the rest of the year!" the class rep interrupted in her commanding voice.

"Here dude, grab my hand." Toji offered.

Shinji, still squinting, grabbed his best friend's hand and was pulled up.

"As I said, I am sorry. I didn't mean to-" Shinji interrupted him.

"Don't worry, it's not your fault. This is simply not my day." he said with a smile. He stretched his arm out and wanted to lean against the door. But the touch of the door was odd. He didn't see the door, but he saw everyone staring at him with a look of fear and pity.

'Strange... a soft, warm and comfy door?'

Just then he realized.

"It's warm, it's soft and judging your glares, it will cost me my life."

The next thing he realized was a foot, spinning through the air and kicking his head.

Kensuke Aida was stooping to pick up some pencils. As he looked up, he saw his friend and favourite EVA pilot flying over him to the other end of the room. Shinji had a rather painful impact with a metal closet.

Again, Shinji Ikari was dreaming about a tropical island and stars whirling around in the sky...

"Shinji, are you all right?" somebody asked him.

Shinji opened his eyes. He was again squinting.

"Mother???" he asked in the voice of a drugged lunatic.

A slap brought him back to reality.

"Hey devil, will ya stop it? He's already on the ground, all right? Go on and terrorise somebody else."

Shinji could hear another slap. His view focused. Toji was now kneeling next to him. His cheek had a nice red impression in the shape of a hand.

"Come on, I'll accompany you."

"To where?" Shinji mumbled, still a little out of it.

"Sickroom of course! Take a look at yourself. Those glass shards were not doing any good." Toji said and pointed at Shinji's right arm.

"Glass shards?" Shinji wasn't quite up to it yet.

"You're bleeding my friend. Look at your arm!"

Shinji did. The sleeve of his right arm was torn and blood red. His forearm had cuts; some of them were quiet deep.

"Go ahead, I'll be right behind you..." Shinji said quietly as he was standing again.

So, Shinji Ikari and Toji Suzuhara were heading down the corridors.

"What did you mean with _this is not my day_?" Toji asked confused.

"You wouldn't believe it anyway. Bad thing is, it's getting worse."

They arrived and Toji looked for some bandages. Meanwhile Shinji walked over to the window and relaxed a little.

"I don't believe it. We've got splints, antibiotics, swabs, a thermometer, some blue strange looking pills and even crutches, but guess what ain't got!"

"Bandages and a nurse?" contered Shinji, already knowing the answer.

"What kind of nurse office is this? Where is the nurse??" Toji was angry again.

"Well, it has almost stopped bleeding, so I think we can go back."

The next few minutes were almost normal. Except for that incident with Shinji's laptop, may it rest in peace. Finally, the school bell announced the break.

Shinji, with an empty stomach and bad tempered, was one of the first in the canteen. He choose a good looking hot-dog.

"What would you like on your hot-dog?" the good looking woman behind the counter asked.

"Everything… the more the better" was Shinji's rather simple answer.

Equipped with a crammed hot-dog he took a seat next to Kensuke, who had his own, homemade lunch with him.

"How the hell could you crush your laptop?" Kensuke whined puzzled.

"See, I was just turning my head to look out of the window. Somehow, my fucked up arm turned as well and BANG, it was over..." Shinji just wanted this day to end as soon as possible.

"You know, being around you could be dangerous if it keeps up like that!"

"No, the bad luck is on my side. Completely." Shinji leaned back on his chair.

!(AN: You know that teachers keep telling you to not tilt with your chair for a reason, right?)!

Shinji, oddly, felt relaxed. No painful incident for forty minutes now. He exhaled with sigh and leaned back a little more. And exactly at that point, good old uncle gravity struck on Shinji.

His collision with the ground was not that painful, but as he took a look at his chest, he began cursing again.

"Fuck it, I have enough of that shit..." Shinji was charged up; and not unprovoked. A giant spot of ketchup-mustard-whateversauce covered his chest. Now he really looked like a bum who got shot. He stood up, tension in the air.

"You know, perhaps you should go home." Toji advised with some concern.

Shinji seated himself back on the chair. He was breathing deep for half a minute before he spoke up again.

"Give me an Angel, I want to let loose on something... or someone."

Both of his friends moved a bit away from Shinji. It was not his words, which they feared, it was the insane look in his eyes.

"Shinji, you're scaring us. Please stop it." Kensuke pleaded with shaking hands.

Shinji calmed down a bit and was about to eat his hot-dog, but it somehow did not look edible anymore so he threw it away. The three stooges were talking about some mindless things for the rest of the recess. The school bell rang and they all stood up.

"Let's have a look, what fate has for me next..."

They walked back to class.

----------------------

Will Shinji's bad luck improve or will it keep its current level? Will devil show up again? My Sock???

Wait for the next chapter or break into my house! ... on the second thought, please wait for it... ;-)


	3. School Part Two

Answer 1: Yep

Answer 2: Who knows if Gendo appears…

Answer 3: Still unknown...

Yeah, chapter two was a piece of cake. And yeah, I am sorry chapter three took so long.

Disclaimer: I do own: My shirt, my short and my lucky egg. I don't own: Evangelion, its characters and my daddy's car. (Partly my father's belongings.)

Disclaiming Disclaimer: I do wear different pairs of underwear and not only the same! One pair for Christmas, one for my birthday and one for the time in between! (You can't wear the same underwear all the time, that'd be disgusting)

"I must run away" This is in speech (means, what people say out loud for others to hear!)

'01011101001010011101' This is in thought (means, what people think, in their brain)

-:Hello, this is the connection to your author, sadly my brain is not here, so leave a message:- This is a conversation via telephone, cell, radio and thingsy things.

**Smile-grunt combo** This is what people actually do, in mid sentence.

-\-\-\-\-\-\- flashback -\-\-\-\-\-\- This is the start of a flashback

-/-/-/-/-/-/- flashback end -/-/-/-/-/-/- End of the _flashback road_.

!(A/N: Don't work… Be happy)! Nonsense that the pre-reader oversaw to delete.

* * *

Chapter Three: School part two 

Shinji's luck did not improve the following hours. First, he twisted his ankle on the way to class. Then, he was told to solve a _simple_ math question. Not as simple as you think! Last but not least, he had rested his head on his elbow, suffered some micro sleep and crashed his jaw on the desk. Because of that crash, he had bitten on his tongue; a rather painful event this day.

Shinji had borrowed an laptop from a classmate, (this classmate wasn't really happy giving Shinji his spare laptop!), so he could do the calculations he was told to. Shinji was not up to do these stupid physics, so he just wrote something trivial what looked like a diary or more like a summary of this god damned day. He was just about to fall asleep again, as a chat invitation appeared on his screen.

THE-QUIET-1 has joined the conversation.

SCHOOL-SOLDIER: Hey Shinji, you want to join? We're going to the ice bar after class.

THE-QUIET-1: I don't think, this would be wise...

SCHOOL-SOLDIER: Come on, it will be fun!

TOUGH-BOY: Yeah, you are also allowed to buy the Ice!

THE-QUIET-1: Sounds great. Well, perhaps I'll go but I do not promise yet!

SCHOOL-SOLDIER: You should be more optimistic! Only five minutes till the next recess.

Shinji was not sure, if he should be happy to hear that. But it was good timing, because he had to pay a visit to the toilet downstairs. He took a look around. Most of his classmates were doing nothing except sitting on their chairs. Hiraki was paying attention to the teacher's words. Toji tilted on his chair. Kensuke was drawing something; most certainly something military. Asuka was almost as tired as Shinji was. Rei, what else could she ever do, was looking out of the window.

BING BANG BONG

!(A/N: yep, I tried to imitate a school bell ringing.. be lucky you didn't actually hear it!)!

"Hey Shinji, let's get going downstairs. The bench on the schoolyard is ours!" Kensuke cheered.

"Yeah sure, why don't you two go and I'll catch up in a minute?"

"Hey, you are not running away from us, are you?" Toji asked a bit unsure.

"No, just men's business." he said with a smile.

"Ahh" said both of his friends in union.

"See ya in a minute." Shinji raised his hand and went to the restrooms.

When Shinji entered, he had an uncomfortable apprehension. Something painful was about to happen. So, Shinji decided do to his business as quick as possible. He began his outlet. In one hand, he held his little friend, the other was ready to close the zipper.

'I have a bad feeling...' Shinji thought with sweat appearing on his forehead.

'Something really bad will happen soon, I can feel it...'

Shinji was so busy thinking about what could happen, that he did not notice another boy coming into the toilet. The boy had almost passed Shinji as he said: "Watch your aim."

Shinji, completely caught by surprise and shocked like hell, was pulling the zipper shut. Unfortunately...

---Schoolyard---

"Something's wrong with Shinji. He was never a lucky bird, but today is his overkill." Kensuke said, changing the batteries in his camcorder.

"Well, we all have-" Toji and everyone on the schoolyard stopped their moving as they heard a heart piercing scream coming from inside the school building.

"Shinji?" Kensuke asked while inhaling.

"Most likely."

The scream died down

"What happened now?"

"I am not sure, but a scream like that can only be caused by an injury of a mans holy place."

"You mean, he burnt his balls or something?"

Toji only nodded a reply, feeling sorry for his damaged friend.

---Toilet---

"Hey buddy, you alright?" the student asked caring.

Shinji looked into his eyes. He covered his private parts with both his hands. His breath was deep and real slow.

"Does this look alright to you?" he asked in a high voice.

"Not quite..."

Shinji, without saying another word, left the toilet and was heading to the nurses office.

'God protect her if she is not there!'

Shinji kicked the door open and there she was, the one and only person he was looking for.

"Can I help you?" the hot nurse asked in a very polite way.

"Can you shoot me?"

The nurse was a bit insecure. "I don't think so." she said slowly.

"Then you may be of assistance with my little **painful moan** problem..."

"What happened?"

After Shinji told her about his accident he showed his wound to the nurse.

"Uhh, looks pretty painful." she stated after she took a look at his damaged body part.

"Please, **death glare** tell me about it..."

"This will hurt a ... lot actually, so relax and close your eyes."

Shinji did as he was told. He inhaled and had a faint smile on his lips. The smile was gone as the nurse opened the zipper.

"Already over..." she looked over to Shinji, who looked as if he was screaming, but there was no sound.

No one moved for ten seconds. Then, Shinji's smile came back.

"It's a wonderful feeling when pain subsides." he had a insane smile on his lips.

"Let's see, we are lubricating this wound with a cooling gel and you'll feel better right away. And by tomorrow, everything will be alright again."

"Let's hope so, by goodness." Shinji had tears in his eyes.

The nurse was looking for the gel. Shinji looked out of the window into the sky, sweat covered his forehead. 'YOU really hate me'. The nurse came back.

"Hold tight, this could be a bit cold."

Shinji suddenly felt like he was thrown into ice-cold water. He inhaled deeply as the nurse took care of the wound. He had to admit though, that after a while, he really felt better and content, with a goofy smile on his face.

"Here, I've put some bandage over it and here, take that ice pack, you could need it."

"How about some painkillers? Valium or morphine?" Shinji asked hopefully.

"I'm afraid; you have to get through this without any narcotics."

"Thank you anyway..."

Shinji walked out of the room. He took a look at the clock on the wall. Recess was over. So he headed to his classroom.

'I'll eat the first person laughing. The second will loose his head...'

Shinji stood in front of the classroom door. He could hear the teacher inquiring:

"Where is Ikari?"

That very moment Shinji opened the door. Everyone was staring at him. He looked like he wanted to kill somebody. Or everybody...

"The first one who says a single word will die a painful death." Shinji humbled over to his chair, his hands holding his ice pack.

No one said a word. Even the teacher was too afraid to speak.

THE-QUIET-1 has joined the conversation.

SCHOOL-SOLDIER: Shinji, what the hell happened?

THE-QUIET-1: I will not go to the ice bar.

Shinji shut down his laptop, leaned back into his chair and stared to the ceiling, his mouth wide open. He looked as if he was dead.

SCHOOL-SOLDIER: I think we should leave him alone for some time.

TOUGH-BOY: I think you're right.

----------------------

Will Shinji survive class? Will Rei wear a chicken costume and sing 'I am the Pumpkin Queen'? And I am stopping this 'sock' question, I think it emigrated to Poland and is having kids by now...

Wait for the next chapter or visit a diviner.

Sorry, this chapter took long and is short. But some of my friends graduated from school. And what should I tell you? We had a one-week party.


	4. School's out

Answer 1: Let's just say, the force is not with him!

Answer 2: I seriously doubt that (but it would surely be funny)

Disclaimer: Let's have a look... do I own Evangelion, it's characters and the United States? I think, I would have heard about. Could belong to Gainax... partly

"Don't eat fluid soap" This is in speech (means, what people say when they have their mouths open to communicate!)

'It tastes real yucky' This is in thought (means, what people think of you, but won't tell you)

-:It isn't working:- Phone stuff, talks and things over phone… yeah, P-H-O-N-E

**Pant pant** This is what people actually do, in mid sentence.

-\-\-\-\-\-\- flashback -\-\-\-\-\-\- This is the start of a flashback

-/-/-/-/-/-/- flashback end -/-/-/-/-/-/- End of a flashback.

!(A/N:Strawberries with cream are to DIE for!)! This is just your authors daily craving.

* * *

Chapter Four: School's Out

Shinji had fallen asleep on his desk. He was on his tropical island. Almost alone and at peace. There was a turtle on the beach.

"Shinji, wake up!" the turtle said. Shinji smiled and took a closer look. The turtle was wearing glasses?

"Shinji, come on. We have to go."

"To where? The ocean?" Shinji asked druggy-happy.

"No, out of class!" Shinji was surprised. What was this turtle talking about? Then he wondered:

'A talking turtle?' he looked even closer and noticed that the turtle was looking like Kensuke Aida, one of his best friends. The voice was his as well.

"Kensuke?" Shinji slowly opened his eyes. The turtle transformed into his friend. The island vanished and the classroom shaped.

"Shinji, you made us worry. I thought we'd lost you!" Shinji took a look around.

"What time is it?"

"It's our last ten minutes break for this day!"

"Another break???" Shinji wasn't really looking forward to this break... His personal balls-cooling ice pack had melted away already.

"Yeah, then one more lesson and we are free!" Kensuke seemed to be happy, even more than usual.

"Alright, let's go." Shinji wasn't as happy, what was more like the usual thing.

They walked down the hallway to pick up some food.

!(AN: I've learned, that Japanese do have one recess and a ten minute break after each lesson. IF they are allowed to leave class or not during those ten minutes, I do not know. And I pretty much think, no one of us will care, ne?)!

There they were. Sitting in the cafeteria and eating Hot-Dogs. Everyone except Shinji. He still had a lot of Hot-Dog on his shirt and even though he was very hungry, he just didn't feel like eating.

"Hey Shinji, what exactly happened to you?" Toji asked. Shinji could see, that everyone was curious about his accident.

"You know, I went to the toilet..." Shinji gave them all a nice summary.

"...then she gave me that ice pack and I was heading back to class." Shinji felt strange. Could be the hunger; or one of his foreboding stomach feelings. As he looked up he noticed, that everyone was staring at him, their mouths wide open.

"What is it? Not enough yet?"

"Are you serious, that the nurse, OUR nurse, put gel on your wound?" one of the no name classmates asked.

!(AN: I didn't go into detail so far, but that nurse is looking damn hot. A real beauty! Could compete with Asuka!)!

"Sure she did." Shinji said bored and moved a little; his private parts were still in a little pain.

"Wait a second, I believe there is a misunderstanding." Toji said, his voice full of anticipation "Shinji, the nurse did not treat your wound with her hand, did she?" Toji said smilingly.

"Of course she did! What do you think? She did it with her mouth, or what?" Shinji really didn't notice what everybody was thinking about. Everyone of his class was listening now. Even the girls. EVEN Rei! One of the girls raised her fist slowly...

"Shinji, I doubt, you know what you are talking about." Kensuke said, coming closer "You mean, the nurse put that gel into her hand" Kensuke pointed one finger one his other hand "and then she treated your wound... like THAT???" Kensuke moved his hand in a way, that everybody should know; especially male readers.

"She-" Shinji realized now. He slapped his hand on his mouth. "Jesus... That's why she was smiling all the time." For one of his listeners, that last statement was simply too much.

"BAKA HENTAI!" he could hear someone scream from behind. It was Asuka.

Asuka wanted to give him a real painful kick in the butt, BUT, Shinji wanted to face her. So, he turned around. Unfortunately his butt was now on the backside and his little friend was in the line of fire.

The whole scene froze, as Asuka's foot impacted with Shinji crotch. Asuka should think about a career as a kicker in a football team. She lifted Shinji one foot into the air.

As Shinji came back to the ground, he immediately went down on his knees. His hands were covering his broken part. All colour of his face faded away. He was as white as a sheet of paper. His eyes were wide. Everyone, except Asuka, was making a grimace of pain and they all pitied Shinji.

Shinji inhaled. It sounded like a starting jet. After some seconds, he tipped forward and his forehead made some encounter with the ground. Shinji, only touching the ground with his forehead and both his knees (his feet up in the air), was not moving anymore. No one could tell, if he was still breathing or not. Looked funny; Shinji the dead, scene two take one.

"That should teach you!" Asuka stated, turned around and left. Kensuke Aida was not sure if he daydreamed or something, but for the instant of a moment, he was convinced to see guilt in Asuka's eyes. (Could also have been some dirt on his glasses...)

Shinji Ikari however did not see that. He wasn't seeing anything; everything was black. The whole scene wasn't moving for a minute. Then, Toji Suzuhara, took the initiative.

"Kensuke, lend me a hand. We'll bring him up to the nurse. Let's hope she has another ice pack left. Or any other way to… _revitalize_ him"

So, Toji and Kensuke were carrying him away, like a statue.

---Nurse Office---

The nurse was checking her supplies, as the door swung open. "What can I... Oh, it's you again, how can I help you?" she asked nicely and smiling.

"I somehow doubt, that you can shoot me now, so, another ice pack will do it." Shinji said in the highest voice, any human has ever heard.

"Um, yeah, sure..." she looked for the ice pack. "Say, what has happened?"

"He had some rough encounter with a foot." Toji said simply. All three boys winced as they remembered the scene.

"Oh, here you go" she handed Shinji another ice pack "and take that gel with you, it will help. Be careful and have a nice day."

Shinji was now walking by himself. His walk looked more like the one of a duck, but he was walking.

"You know, perhaps you should ask Major Katsuragi to bring you home?" Toji suggested, emphasizing the _should_ part.

"I doubt she would do that" 'Not after I told her, she would have to overcome the morning without beer...'

"Relax, last period is history, you can sleep there."

"Oh that's the best idea I heard today..."

They entered the classroom. Shinji, who tried not to look too fucked up, heard several whispers.

"...The immortal..."

"...balls of steel..."

"...the nurse..."

Shinji had to smile inwards. They thought he was something special, perhaps some kind of half-god. In fact, he was just the guy with the pain between his legs. After they were all seated, Shinji got another chat invitation...

THE-GUY-IN-AGONY has joined the conversation.

SCHOOL-SOLDIER: Hey, you really want no ice?

THE-GUY-IN-AGONY: I don't think so...

TOUGH-BOY: So, you're going home after school?

THE-GUY-IN-AGONY: No, I will take the train.

SCHOOL-SOLDIER: You know that is a big detour?

THE-GUY-IN-AGONY: Yep, but it's safer than walking.

TOUGH-BOY: Are you really sure about that?

THE-GUY-IN-AGONY: Yes, nothing can happen to me there.

Shinji shut down his laptop and laid his head on the desk.

THE-GUY-IN-AGONY has left the conversation.

SCHOOL-SOLDIER: Hey, do you doubt that Shinji will come home unharmed as well?

THE-CLASS-REP has joined the conversation

THE-CLASS-REP: I told you many times not to use this message system!

TOUGH-BOY: Hey class rep, we are in the middle of a bet. Will Shinji come home unharmed? He's taking the train.

THE-CLASS-REP: ...The train stops pretty near to his place... Yes, he will.

TOUGH-BOY: And the bet will be...

----------------------------

What will be this suspicious bet? Will Shinji come home unharmed? Why won't my friends stop partying???

The next chapter? You'll have to wait until I am back from partying. PLUS the time, I need to get sober!


	5. Way home, take one

Answer 1: You'll see later.

Answer 2: I don't know why, but I somehow doubt that.

Answer 3: I think they want to party me to death.

Disclaimer: You know, it's getting boring... NGE, it's characters and Microsoft do not belong to me. (But it would be profitable! Either way…)

Personal Note: I am sober again! I want to thank my reviewers. And to all my fans, (I am sure, I can count them with one hand though), sorry to keep you waiting, but recently I didn't get any sleep, so my brain is not worth a lot. (isn't worth a lot at other times neither)

Some say, I am going too far... Jesus, I wouldn't want to switch place with him, but hey, this is my fan fiction. You don't have to read it! As a balance, he is a lucky guy in some of my other fanfictions. And by the way, he IS invincible! So, he will survive this day, more or less.

"Rockin' all over the world!" This is in speech (no further specifications at this time!)

'Yep, I love ROCK!' This is in thought (means speaking, but not to you and not outloud!)

-:WOODSTOCK, I'M COMING:- Phone/Radio communication!

**Drool drool** This is what people actually do, in mid sentence (when they see hot chicks, in this case!)

-\-\-\-\-\-\- flashback -\-\-\-\-\-\- This is the start of a flashback

-/-/-/-/-/-/- flashback end -/-/-/-/-/-/- hmmm, is this a Super Nova? I don't think so…

!(A/N: Ich bin kein Berliner, ICH BIN BAYER!)! This is me.

* * *

Chapter Five: The Voyage Home

Finally, after so many painful hours, the school's bell announced the end of this class. Shinji Ikari, suddenly filled with new energy, hope and a smile on his face, was the first one out of class.

"Hey Shinji, wait up." Kensuke ran up to him. "Should I accompany you?"

Shinji, who would be grateful to this offer on a normal day, decided otherwise.

"Better not; I don't want to be responsible for the painful death of one of my friends."

In front of the school, Toji took Shinji aside.

"Hey pal, you'll tell me if something happens to you on your way home, right?"

"I should be home in twenty minutes, I'll call you in half an hour. If I do not, the train blew up and you can scrape me off the streets." Shinji said and waved a goodbye.

"He has strange humour, alright" muttered Toji.

While almost everyone walked to the left, Shinji went right. His school bag shouldered and his SDAT running, he walked towards the train station. As he arrived, he was surprised.

'No pain, no incidents, not a bad thing at all. Perhaps I am on the lucky side again.' he thought hopefully.

Smiling like a Cheshire cat he got into a train. He sat down, closed his eyes and counted the number of stops.

'The fifth one is mine.' So Shinji thought and listened to his music while daydreaming.

'What am I gonna do first once I'm home?' His stomach grumbled. 'I think, cooking sounds like a very advisable idea.'

Shinji, for once at peace on this day, counted the stations down. He listened to Beethoven's 9th symphony: the Ode To Joy.

After a while, the fifth and his last stop came. He stood up and got off the train.

"Wait a second..." Shinji looked around, his SDAT still running.

"This is not my station…" Shinji was confused.

"This is not even the right part of the city..." Shinji, who had enough of this day, wanted to put his SDAT into his schoolbag. Just then he noticed that he had left his schoolbag on the train.

'Damn it' he turned around, just to see his schoolbag driving away in the train.

He slowly raised his head and looked up to the sky, which was getting cloudy.

"YOU! You call that humour? If I ever come to heaven, I gonna kick your ass for sure! I swear to god… wait a second… DAMN!" He cursed and walked off.

Shinji Ikari made his way home, without money and without anything in his stomach.

After a while, he stopped and looked around. "I've never been here before **stomach-grumble** And I don't have any money for food or a taxi. I hate my life."

"Hey, look at him! Shall we beat him up?" Shinji turned around to see a couple of drunk thugs.

'Why me?'

"Yeah, let's kick his ass!" they began storming towards him.

'Perhaps I should let them kill me, so it'll be over' he took a closer look to his followers 'Let's not find out'

Shinji began running. He didn't know where to run; He seemed to be in the slums. The buildings, most of them destroyed or damaged during an angel attack, were not occupied. Shinji, in his phase of bad luck, stumbled over a manhole cover and it broke. Falling down the shaft Shinji could hear the thugs run past the hole.

'I am saved.'

Only a second later, he landed in some water. As he stood up, he looked around.

"I can't see much **sniff** and what's that stench?" then Shinji realized, that he had fallen into the city sewers.

"Oh shit… in the truest sense of a word." Because there was no ladder, he couldn't climb back up. The only way out was somewhere in the darkness.

----- The Suzuhara household ----

-:Yeah, I think something happened **waiting for the answer on the phone** Should we call Major Katsuragi? **waiting again** Don't you think, he could really die today? **waiting and going up and down the carpet** You call yourself a friend? **waiting** Alright, you got a point there. But I am sure, something happened to him yet, so the bet will not be affected **going to the fridge** You're right, who knows if she really wants to help him. Perhaps Asuka would be with her. But what's with that Section Two guys? **taking a ham-sandwich out of the fridge** Right, they are armed. They would probably shoot one of his toes off. **moan** You know what that means? **waits** No, we will have to look for him. **taking a bite from his sandwich** Because we are his friends. We will meet in front of his apartment in ten minutes. I'll call Hikari, she will help for sure **looking for something do drink** That's a joke, isn't it? I mean, Rei Ayanami? I doubt she cares if Shinji is in trouble or in a coffin. You forgot? She is hanging around with Shinji's dad! **waiting again** ARE YOU NUTS??? That man is a real bastard. **picking his nose** Because he would sacrifice everyone for a can of coke! **looking at his finger with some disgust** Alright, you can call and ask her if it's that what makes you happy. But in ten minutes, you'll be at Shinji's apartment, or I'll come and get your ass over there by force, understood? **frowns deep** alright, see ya!:-

----- The Horaki household -----

"Hikari, there's a phone call for you!"

"Coming" Hikari ran down the stairs, heading for the phone.

-:Yes **blushing slightly** Suzuhara, what so you want? **waiting** A rescue mission? **playing with her hair** Does this mean, I've lost our bet? **waiting hopefully** So I really have to go out on a date with you **now smiling** Alright, I'll be there.:-

Hikari ran up the stairs, looking for something to dress.

----- The Ayanami ... can anyone call that building an apartment? ----

Rei was sittting there, looking out of a window and waiting for the time to pass by. Then, her cell phone rang.

-:Hello **waiting** Why? **waiting** This is not my assignment **waiting** It's an illogical undertaking, Section Two agents would fit this work **waiting** Comradeship? **blinking and waiting** I'll be there.:-

----- The Katsuragi household -----

"Alright, where is that boy when I need him?" Misato shouted into the apartment.

"I haven't seen him since school." Asuka said, watching some anime on television.

Misato sat in the kitchen, consuming one beer after another (she bought herself some). Pen-pen had retreated into the bathroom.

"I am goddamn hungry and I don't want to cook, so somebody else has to!" Misato's stomach grumbled.

"I will not cook, that's work for the stooge."

What Misato did not see, was that Asuka had a bag of crisps next to her. But it was almost empty by now.

"Let's ask somebody for his whereabouts..." Misato picked up the phone...

----- Section Two Headquarters or whatever -----

The room was filled with many surveillance monitors and other stuff. A phone began to ring. An unfortunate guy answered the call.

-:Section Two Agent Urashimo **listening** The third child? **looking on his monitors** We don't know. **holding the phone away from his ear** I-I-I-It's n-n-not our f-f-fault! **thinking of some excuse** Our system had a giant crash down 20 minutes ago and nothing is working right now. But as we last saw him, he was on his way to the train station **waiting** Well, most certainly he took the train. **head shaking** I am not omniscient **rolling his eyes** You are his guardian, IF something happens to him, it's not our fault. We are just to observe the Children and to help them if they are in trouble **begins to sweat** alright major, I will call every agent in duty if someone has seen the third child. **getting confused** No major, I can not order a pizza for you. Goodbye:- **hangs up the phone** "Shit..."

"Hey, who was that?" another agent asked.

"Oh, that was Major Misato Katsuragi, Director of NERV operations. She wants us to find out, where the third child is hiding." he said, imitating the commanding voice of Misato.

"Well, I'll make a broadcast."

"We better find him, otherwise we can observe some icebergs in Antarctica. And live on them as well..."

----- The city sewers -----

"SHIT... I hate my life..." Shinji continued his way through the sewers.

------------------

Will Shinji ever find out of that shitty place again? Will the rescue troop find him? Will Gendo Ikari show up?

All that and 629 ½ words more in the next chapter of Shinji's bad day in life.

My inspiration seems to be down... If someone has a cruel idea, let me know!

Eleven days, and only such a bad chapter... MEA CULPA!


	6. Way home, take two

Answer 1: Well, let's truly hope so.  
  
Answer 2: In some way, I think they will have an encounter.  
  
Answer 3: Hey, I am cruel, but I am not that inhuman!  
  
Disclaimer: All right, I'll save my pocket money and will buy Gainax. But until that day, Evangelion and its characters do not belong to me!  
  
Personal Note: Sure the last part wasn't that good. I want to see you guys write being tired and drunk. THAT'S NOT EASY, but sometimes quite funny ;-)  
  
You know, I thought I had some bad things for Shinji in reserve. But what some of you wrote, that's the real knock down! AND: I do not hate Rei, but hey, she really hasn't got many emotions. She is cold hearted, but that's no reason to hate her! gives Rei a hug... she doesn't care  
  
"this" is in speech and 'this' in thought; -:this:- is some doing while having a call; --this-- is some seamless doing in a sentence (or something like that...). And from now, I'll bring up some things that happened to me.

* * *

Chapter Six: The Voyage goes on!  
  
"Alright, here we are. Shinji has not come home. We know that he took the train."  
  
"Correction. We do know, that he had intended to take the train and was on the way to the train station. We do not know if he got to the station or the train."  
  
"Thanks Kensuke. Let's think logical. What could have happened?", Toji asked.  
  
"Let's think about your worst nightmare. Multiply that with all the cruelty of this world, subtract any possible luck he has and add the amount to his day. That's what happened to him, most certainly.", Kensuke said.  
  
Hikari: 'Forced to write tests with mittens, clean the toilets with his tongue, crawling home over glass shards and being kidnapped. Now some drunk thugs use him as a punching ball.'  
  
Toji: 'Head first suspended on his balls over a fire and a bottle of Tabasco in his ass. Misato and Asuka waiting around the fire for their roast to be done and doing naughty things. And Shinji can only watch.' [AN: THAT'S cruel!]  
  
Kensuke: 'Captured by some communists, now tortured. Electric shock, poison, beating up, breaking bones, almost drowning and getting body parts cut off. Then, lying on a cliff immobilized and getting eaten by cancers.'  
  
Rei: 'What's a nightmare?'  
  
Everyone, except Rei, made a grimace of pain and sorrow.  
  
"I don't think that will bring us far. I think we should take a look --- Kensuke, what the hell are you doing?", Toji asked as Kensuke took his laptop out.  
  
"I want to check something out.", Kensuke was typing his keyboard wildly.  
  
"Is Aida-san always like that?", Toji and Hikari turned around, quite surprised, that Rei actually acted.  
  
"Most of the time...", Toji said and shook his head, "He's doing military things all the time. Kensuke "THE SPY" Aida... I think he lost his-"  
  
"HEY, I've got something! I've just hacked into the database of the train company. They've found a schoolbag in a train. The bag contains some schoolbooks, a broken laptop and a wallet with a NERV ID card. It's Shinji's!"  
  
"I always knew you're a genius!", Toji put one hand on Kensuke's shoulder.  
  
"Really, --looking on Toji's hand-- you just said I was a fuckin' freak."  
  
"Yeah, you are a fuckin' freak, but an ingenious one!", Toji said smiling.  
  
"Sure, whatever...", Kensuke typed something, "That's strange..."  
  
"What's strange?", Hikari asked, as an attempt to join this conversation.  
  
"The bag was found in the Yomada Line-"  
  
"What's unusual with that? It's his line home!", Toji asked, behaving like a genius.  
  
"Yes, but the train they found Shinji's bag in was headed the opposite way."  
  
"You mean, he took the wrong train?", Hikari stated.  
  
"Seemingly."  
  
"It's most logical that Pilot Ikari got out at Tomarochi station.", Rei, to the surprise of all present people, gave that conclusion.  
  
"How come?", all three asked?

"Pilot Ikari most probably seated himself and put his SDAT on, like he usually does when he has to wait for something. Because he listens to classical music, he probably closed his eyes and counted the stations down in mind. The fifth one, the one that would bring him to his destination, is in this case the Tomarochi station."

Everybody's jaw was down the floor.  
  
"You know, sometimes you are scary!", Toji said with fear in his eyes.  
  
"Let's get a train and then we will see if we can find him or not. Come on jerk, move it!", Hikari pushed Toji, who was still perplex, forward. The rescue team was on it's way.  
  
------ City Sewers ------  
  
"Great, simply great... I've lost my trousers button, got bitten by a rat, smell like shit and now the batteries of my SDAT ran out. --looks up to the... well, he can't see the sky, but the ceiling-- And if I have to make a contract with devil himself, you're gonna SUFFER!", Shinji shouted, scaring all rats around him.  
  
Shinji continued through the sewers.  
  
----- some time later, somewhere near the Tomarochi station. -----  
  
"Okay, where should we start our search?", Toji asked and clapped his hands together.  
  
"Hey, that was your idea. You should know...", inflamed with rage Hikari and Toji began an argument.  
  
"We should go the way to his home. That's the way he took most probably.", Rei said flatly.  
  
Kensuke got next to Toji and rammed his elbow into Tojis side playfully.  
  
"See? I told you Ayanami would come in handy!"  
  
"Yeah whatever..."  
  
So, the rescue troop wandered towards Shinji's home.  
  
------ Section two headquarters -----  
  
A phone began to rang.  
  
Both present agents looked at each other.  
  
"I will not answer that call!"  
  
"I answered the last one!"  
  
A third agent, a rookie, entered the room.  
  
"Hey, the phone is ringing."  
  
Both agents looked again at each other.  
  
"We leave the precedence to you.", Urashimo said smiling.  
  
"Yeah, could be for you anyway.", the other said, restraining a laughter.  
  
The third agent looked at his two colleagues suspiciously, then picked up the phone.  
  
"Hello? Section Two agent Hideyaki -:looks confused:- I don't know anything about that -:looks scared:- no, I was not told -:holding the phone away from his ear:- We are doing our job as good as we can -:waits:- I'll hand you over, one moment please. Alright guys, who of you had the pleasure of talking to major Katsuragi about an hour ago?"  
  
Urashimo looked depressed. "Could be me..."  
  
----- City sewers -----  
  
Shinji, exhausted and hungry, seated himself under another gully, the sun shining onto him slightly.  
  
"Again no ladder... OK, lets relax for a minute and then we will find a way out of here."  
  
----- The street above -----  
  
"Hey Kensuke, can you take care of the girls for a minute?"  
  
"Where are you going?"  
  
"Men's business!"  
  
"Ah, I understand. Hey girls, have I ever told you about how I hacked into the school's computer and received the answers for the upcoming test?"  
  
"You wouldn't dare!", Hikari, in her Class-Representative mode, was angry as hell  
  
Toji, running into a side street was looking for a place where he could give in to nature's call, found a street drain. Not thinking about any harm to no one, he opened his zipper and disburdened himself.  
  
----- Some metres below -----  
  
'I think, my day could be worse...'  
  
Shinji was in some kind of doze. He was daydreaming. The tropical island, a mixer and a solar cell. Suddenly he felt real comfortable, all his burden was gone, warmth was coming from inside and he was happy.  
  
'I can hear the ripple of a stream.'  
  
Just then he realized, that this was not his imagination.  
  
'It's unusually warm and wet...' he opened his eyes.  
  
"What the..." he cursed silent. As he looked up, he saw the disaster.  
  
------ Above -----  
  
'Ahhh, that's good.', Toji thought.  
  
"AAARRRRGGHHH!!", somebody screamed from under him. Toji, not loosing one more drop, packed in and ran back to his friends.  
  
'Better don't get caught.'  
  
"Hey Toji, did you hear that scream?"  
  
"No, no I haven't heard anything...", he said with innocent air.  
  
"Let's get on with our search!"  
  
------ Sewers ------  
  
"I can't fuckin' believe this... you seat yourself for only a minute and BENG... somebody pisses on your back... if I ever get a hold of this asshole, I will knot his dick for eternity..."  
  
Shinji Ikari, now surrounded by the aura of devil himself, was running through the sewers like a madman. After what seemed like an eternity, he found what he was looking for. An exit out of this shit.  
  
"Thank you very much."  
  
As Shinji approached the ladder, he saw that it was more then just rusty.  
  
"I'll bet my ass, that thing will not hold. But who cares, either freedom or death."  
  
As he began to climb up the ladder, he prayed everything he had, that only this ladder would not break until he gets up there. He closed his eyes and continued his way up. The ladder groaned, but he kept on going. After some seconds, he opened his eyes again. He was on the top of the ladder. As he pushed the manhole cover aside, he got blindfolded. Nevertheless, he crawled outside and began laughing.  
  
"I did it. I am out of that shit..."

Tears of happiness were running down his cheeks.  
  
After a minute of joy, he got up and he couldn't believe his luck.  
  
"That's my apartment! I am home! Thank you god, thank you!"

------ NERV Headquarters -----  
  
"Sempai, could you take a look at these findings?"  
  
"Coming --a phone began to rang-- oh, I'll be there in a minute."  
  
She headed back and picked up the phone.  
  
"Dr. Ritsuko Akagi -:waits:- oh, good morning sunshine. Already sober? -:sighing:- alright, what's your problem -:checking some data on her own computer:- Shinji? You are their guardian. They are in puberty and it's your responsibility. By the way, you weren't any better! -:takes a sip from her coffee:- You're not serious! -:her mood becoming bad:- You want to tell me, that you have lost Shinji Ikari, the third children and our best pilot? -:waits:- how could you ever become major? -:grumbling:- contact section two! -:rolling her eyes:- these guys never do their job right. -:deep sigh:- I'll do what I can.", She hung up the phone.  
  
'She is no better than Kaji...'  
  
----- The place, where Shinji Ikari could find calm -----  
  
Shinji, blinded by his luck and his tears, passed a young woman who was busy with some shopping-bags. He had never seen her before, but who cares? As he reached his door, he found it open. Without wasting another thought, he entered.  
  
He didn't care about his shoes. The only thing that was important to him was food. So he entered the kitchen and wanted to open the fridge. But there was a cupboard.  
  
'What? They must have altered the kitchen...', he looked around and found the fridge. As he opened it, he was real shocked.  
  
"Vegetables? Fruits? FOOD??? Alright, something is wrong. MISATO? ASUKA? ARE YOU HOME?" 

No response.  
  
Shinji wanted to make a call, but he had difficulties finding the telephone. 'What's going on here?'  
  
When he found it, he dialled the only number he could think about.  
  
------ NERV Headquarters -------  
  
"Alright Maya, I am coming.", just as Ritsuko was about to approach Maya's desk, her phone rang again.  
  
"Jesus, what's wrong today? Just a second...".

The shy assistant nodded.  
  
In a pretty pissed voice: "Yeah? -:her expression showing surprise:- Shinji-kun? Misato is looking for you. We're all worried. Where are you? -:now looking confused:- Can't be, I just talked to her, she must be at home. -:lighting a cigarette:- I seriously doubt, that the Misato Katsuragi I know would actually do hard work such as altering her kitchen -:frowns:- say, is there a second fridge with only beer inside? -:showing an expression of understanding:- it's simple, you are in the wrong house!"  
  
------ Wrong house -----  
  
"What do you mean with 'the wrong house'?", Shinji scared up as he heard a scream.  
  
"THIEF!"

Shinji turned around to see the woman from a little while ago pointing a finger at him.  
  
"No wait, I just-"  
  
"HELP! THIEF! --runs out of the apartment-- CALL 911!"  
  
"Great, simply great..."

Shinji tried to run after her, but as he reached the exit of the building, he heard a policeman asking for the culprit's whereabouts.  
  
Shinji, retreated into a side street, thinking about his options.  
  
'What will happen if I get caught? They will think that I am a bum from a slum who tried to break into that apartment. I seriously doubt that they would believe me, that I am the most important person on this planet now.'  
  
In front of him, he saw the gully he came out. The policeman to his left and another police car to his right...  
  
'Well, I guess I don't have any choice.'  
  
Shinji climbed down the ladder as his attention was caught by a sudden jerk.  
  
'I can see it coming...'  
  
The ladder broke and Shinji fell. The landing was relatively soft, but a pipe of the ladder hit him in the face, so he was unconscious again.

* * *

* * *

Will Shinji ever find his home? Will he find out about the piss incident? What happened to agent Urashimo?  
  
Well, take your time and I'll take mine. Later we will see what will happen. I am not sure if it is good, but hey, here in Germany it's two o'clock in the morning, so I just finished it half asleep...


	7. The big apple

Answer 1: Well, sooner or later, he probably will.

Answer 2: Take a look at the series! He's fucked up anyway...

Answer 3: I don't have a clue!

Disclaimer: Alright, I am at 93,57 Euro right now (about 111,79 dollars). So, the day, I will own Evangelion and it's characters, is coming closer. But I am not there yet... So, I do not own it up to now. Understood?

Personal Note: All I wrote in the last chapter did not happen to me, so nobody pissed on my back so far. AND nobody will do that to me, so stop looking that way!

I was told to give an evidence for my non-hate for Rei. Well, that is kinda difficult. Let's say, it's kinda difficult without blaming myself and saying something disgusting... looks ashamed

Alright, cheer up. I found a pre reader and spell checker. He is lingering around somewhere here. Yann-kun is his name. He hasn't published anything yet, but he's working on that! By the way, this could be the first chapter in ages I write sober and well rested.

"this" is in speech and 'this' in thought; -:this:- is some doing while having a call; --this-- is some seamless doing in a sentence (or something like that...). And just because you can't see it, that does not mean, glass is not there! I've learned that the very hard way!!!

* * *

Chapter seven: The sky turns dark

There he was again. The tropical island in the middle of nowhere. Only him, a housebroken cupboard and a blurry image of Murphy.

"You know, once I was just like you.", Murphy said with understanding in his voice.

"Unfortunate, only a handful of friends, no girlfriend, no mother, bastard father, being in life danger while piloting a skyscraper high robot and only wearing the same stupid clothes whenever I wear something except my plug suit?"

Murphy scratched his head. "Well, my life wasn't that bad but it was almost like yours."

"Poor devil...", Shinji said while taking a sunbath.

"I've heard that many times, but I think you're the first one who knows what he's talking about."

"Trust me, if you haven't existed, it would be called Shinji's law by now!"

Then, Shinji sniffed and felt disgusted.

"Jesus, did you fart or something?", Shinji held his hand under his nose.

"No, this is not me. You're in the city sewers. Did you expect a place such as this to smell like lavender?"

Shinji's vision became blurry and the island was disappearing again; the unpleasant smell increasing.

'Wet?' Shinji felt his backside being wet.

He opened his eyes. All the happiness was drained from his body. He felt like shit again.

"I hate my life..."

Shinji sat up and moaned.

"My back --another painful moan-- and my head..." when he stood again, he continued: "Alright. If I go that way, I should reach the broken part of the sewers. I should be able to get out there... Let's go." Shinji walked towards the darkness.

----- In the middle of the city ------

"Say, what are we going to do, if we get to Ikari-kun's house, but didn't find him?", Hikari asked out of boredom.

"No clue... visit Misato-san, take a look at her permissive spare time outfit, grab a beer and wait for Shinji.", Toji said with a drooling smile on his face.

"SU-ZU-HA-RA!!!"

"Hey, just a-", the rest of Toji's sentence was cut off by Hikari's insulting wave.

"Howcanyousaysomethinglikethatatatimelikethis?Yourbestfriendmightbeinbigtroubleandyouareonlythinkingabouthalfnakedwomen!Youreallyareastooge!", Hikari said within the amazing time span of 4.1 seconds.

Toji, who only understood half of it, crawled in front of his secret love and begged for mercy.

"I am sorry, please..."

"You know, if they would confess to each other, they would have fewer problems.", Kensuke said to Rei while going on.

"Confess what?"

"That they love each other!", Kensuke said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Rei turned around and took a look at the two 'love birds'.

"They are arguing. Is that love?"

Hearing those words, Kensuke turned to face her.

"You know what love is, don't you?", Kensuke looked at her in disbelief.

"No, I was not taught about love.", Rei said in her usual flat voice. Kensuke somehow expected something like that.

"Love is probably the most difficult thing to describe. Let me see...If you love someone, you feel good around him. You'll miss him if he's not around. And you are worrying your ass off if you don't know if he is alright or not.", Kensuke thinking about other explanations when Rei thought a bit herself.

'Hmm.. When Ikari is around, I feel good. When he is not around, I miss him in some way. And I am worried about him right now.", she nodded.

"Anything wrong?", Kensuke wondered about Rei's nodding.

"I love Ikari-kun!" Rei said calm.

THAT did it. Everybody went silent at once.

"Y-you what???", Toji stammered.

"I love Ikari-kun. Love is very easy...", Rei went on and after a minute of discomposure, the others went on as well.

"Sometimes, Rei is real scary...", Toji said shortly. The other two nodded.

[AN: What worth is luck, if it's happening at the other end of the town?]

------ NERV Headquarters -----

"Alright Maya, now you." Again, the Doctor didn't get far; the phone rang again.

"I – DON'T – BELIEVE – THIS", Ritsuko Akagi, usually the last person to flip out, was flipping out right now. She picked up the phone.

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE DRUNK, YOUR BEERSUPPLIES RAN OUT OR YOU SIMPLY WANT TO GO OUT FOR A DRINK.-:inhaling dangerously-: Consider your words wisely, your salary depends on it. -:lighting another cigarette-: Well sunshine, I've something you lost -:smiles-: Yes, he called not long ago from a apartment on the other side of the city -:waits-: I don't know -:tipping on her computer-: I can't ask him -:waits again-: Well honey, I've lost him -:holds the phone away-: Unlike you, I found him. Be that far, then you can insult me!"

She hang up calmly, laid her cigarette aside and exhaled. Then she grabbed up the complete phone and threw it down the hall. The crashing sound made everyone look up.

"Now they shall try..."

With a smile on her face, she headed over to Maya.

------ The Katsuragi household ------

"That wench! --snort-- Who does she think she is? Some sort of super-natural mega brain genius?", Misato argued into the apartment.

"She IS a fucking super-natural mega brain genius!", Asuka stated from the living room. That was definitely the wrong answer! A flying beer can, which missed Asuka's head only by an inch, was more than just a proof.

"If I had wanted an answer, I would have asked for it."

"But, you were asking...", Asuka said puzzled.

"I was talking to Pen-Pen!", Misato said annoyed.

Pen-Pen, who spent his whole day in his fridge, chose this moment to walk out of his fridge across the whole apartment and into the bathroom.

'Weird animal...', Asuka thought.

------ The sewers ------

Shinji was on his pilgrimage through the sewers, at the edge of madness, as he reached a junction. That fact is not very special, but looking to his right, he thought he was hallucinating.

'An apple???'

There, at the lights incident, was an apple. Not just an apple, but an apple in front of a real hungry guy!

"God --admiring the 'sky'-- thank you!"

Shinji zombie-walked to the apple, but stopped because he heard a deep grumble.

'Stomach, is that you?'

The next grumble was mixed with the sound of something big moving.

'It's not you, right?'

Then, the head of a crocodile moved into the light.

'Alright, it's not you. --looking up-- I am taking back that –thank you-'

Shinji could see, that the croc was big. Really big. It was just behind the apple.

"Okay you oversized handbag, give me that apple!", Shinji said loud and annoyed.

As he moved forward carefully, the croc moved forward itself.

"You shit eating frog, leave me alone!", Shinji shouted.

Just as Shinji was about to grab the apple, the alligator snapped at him. Shinji, saving his hand at the last moment, took some steps back.

"Fuck it Godzilla... Why are you protecting this apple? You're not a freaky vegetarian!"

The crocodile moved closer to the apple.

"You know, I could use some new boots!", Shinji threatened.

Just then, the croc ate the apple in one quick movement.

"AAAARRGGGHH, YOU ATE IT! YOU ATE MY PRECIOUS APPLE! YOU WILL PAY!!! I WILL COME BACK WITH MY EVA AND THEN I'LL DONATE THE WHOLE BRIDGECREW BOOTS, BELTS AND HANDBAGS!!! EVERYTHING MADE OUT OF YOUR SCALY ASS!!!"

Shinji, who just witnessed the first vegetarian crocodile having its lunch, went back to his original plan and just left the croc behind.

"Even reptiles turned against me. How much worse can this get???", Shinji said while stomping through whatever covered the ground.

------ Just in front of the Katsuragi apartment ------

"Well, here we are. What now?", Hikari asked.

"We cannot search through the whole city.", Kensuke said ensured.

"Perhaps we should talk to Major Katsuragi.", Toji suggested.

Rei ... didn't say anything. She just thought for herself.

"Hey Ayanami, are you with us or are you off the planet?"

"What? I think we should talk to Major Katsuragi and inform her about what we found out."

Rei in front, they all headed for the apartment.

"We found out something?", Kensuke asked silently.

"Who knows..."

------ The vice-commanders office ------

Kozo Fuyutsuki tried to call someone, but no one on the other end answered his call.

"Damn it, what is she doing? Why are ingenious scientists never at hand when you need them?", he asked as the gave up his call try.

------ At the edge of the city -----

Everything was quiet around the forest, except for some cursing.

"Damn thorns..."

As Shinji Ikari crawled out of a hole, he thought he was dreaming.

"Free?", he asked. No one answered.

"I AM FREE! SHINJI IKARI, THE POOR DEVIL OF THIS CITY IS NOW FREE AND NOTHING COULD EVER POSSILBY RUIN HIS DAY!!!", Shinji shouted into the forest.

There he stood. His arms extended to the sky, his head thrown back into his neck and laughing like a madman.

"I got through all your challenges and survived. Confess, I defeated you!!!"

Just then, a bolt of lightning struck into a tree nearby. Rain began to fall.

Shinji let his body flag.

"Seems you're not out of torture possibilities yet... I got the note. Don't mess up with god."

Shinji Ikari walked through the forest to the city; the cold rain kept on falling down.

* * *

* * *

Will Shinji leave the forest alive? What does Rei think? Will the Third Impact be prevented because of Rei's sudden occurrence of feelings?

I don't know the answer to these questions yet, but I'll let you know!

endermon: Satisfied now? Could you be so kind as to delete my name in your author alert list now?

Well, I am sober, but not really rested...


	8. The street home

Answer 1: Would be boring if he would die there, ne?

Answer 2: That's one of the unsolved mysteries in this universe

Answer 3: Perhaps, perhaps not... Who wants to place a bet?

Disclaimer: Again? Why do you folks don't believe me? I – do – not – own – Evangelion. Everyone who says something else, must be a guy in a chicken costume.

You know, I thought about it... first I thought 'I could make a sequel...'. After all, there was no angel, no one died and Gendo did not show up at all. So, a 'worse day' would be possible. Then, I realised that the people of Gainax already had that idea and called it 'End Of Evangelion'. So, I thought again and had another idea. Isn't it said in the bible: 'after the rain, there comes the sun?' or something like that? After a day of bad luck, there could be a day of luck! Well, just an idea...

I just noticed that the chapter names in the chapter menu aren't always the same as the ones in the stories. But hey, who really cares?

Rain is not bad? Perhaps it's not, but it's demoralising at this point!

Evil Sadist??? Me? Alright, perhaps a little...

By the way, Shinji will not need EVA-01 to kill god. Bare handed, that's what he wants!

"this" is in speech and 'this' in thought; -:this:- is some doing while having a call; --this-- is some seamless doing in a sentence (or something like that...). I'll tell you the golden rule of my father's bar: First, you can go but don't want to. Later, you wanna go but can't anymore. I've fallen prey to it several times.

* * *

Chapter eight: The Final Obstacle

Shinji Ikari, drenched to the bones, walked through the forest. The ice-cold rain and the even colder wind were working on Shinji. Shivering, he stumped through the mud. He wasn't thinking any bad, as he heard something break.

"What now?", he said, fearing the worst.

As he turned around, he couldn't see anything for a while, not until he looked to the ground right in front of him. There, wrecked on a rock, was his beloved SDAT.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!", he screamed.

Shinji kneeled next to his loyal companion. Tears mixed with rain were running down his cheeks.

"Of all the things... WHY??? --sobs-- not my SDAT...", he whined into the remains.

He looked around in mourning. Then, after some observation, his expression became dark.

"Son of a bitch...", he murmured into the night.

He stood up and looked up to the sky. A bolt torn the clouds apart.

"One rock... ONE FUCKIN ROCK FOR MILES???", Shinji screamed to the sky.

He looked up to it, as if he was waiting for an answer. Only rain came.

"Mud... wherever I look, there is only mud... only one rock... why the hell did my SDAT have to fall there? WHY????"

A thunder growled through the darkness.

[A/N: To be honest, I have no clue how late it is... let's say, afternoon/evening... By the way, that happened to me!!! Schoolyard covered in snow. Only one spot without. My glasses fell precisely on that place... they broke. Not kidding!!!]

"This time you went too far. Taking my health, I can live with that, for some time at least... Taking my pride, I am used to it. But destroying the only thing that brings happiness in my life..."

Shinji wasn't angry. He was disappointed. Head shaking and slightly crying, he took the remains of his SDAT and went on. His way home.

------ The Katsuragi household ------

"Say, how did you persuade Rei to come along?", Misato whispered to Toji.

"Kensuke's doing... I don't know how he did it, but he somehow did..."

"Great, Wondergirl knew where to look for that stooge... we should honour her and make this day a holiday.", Asuka said bad-tempered.

"Hey devil, at least she tried. You're just sitting here and wait for him to return so he can cook for you. After you kicked his balls out of his ears, you should at least be a bit worried."

"First, I do not care if he comes home or not. Second, call me devil again and you will face hell!", Asuka said very convincingly.

"You are lucky, I have to live with her.", Misato said out of her mouths corner.

"What was that?", Asuka grumbled low.

"ME? --looks surprised-- I just said: I am lucky, I have beer."

No one moved.

'She'll never buy that.'

'Misato-san is done for.'

'Take cover!!!'

'I wonder how Ikari-kun is doing right now...'

"Sounds believable to me...", stated Asuka and everyone relaxed. "So, what are we going to do about that stooge?"

"Section two is working on that. They mobilized every man they have." 'At least I hope it for them.', she thought evilly.

"We haven't seen any of them. Not even one."

"These guys are working undercover.", Misato assured them. Well, she tried.

"Undercover? We saw nobody. Do they hide in the sewers or something?", Kensuke asked.

Toji's expression became pale...

"Well, they are everywhere and they find everyone..."

...paler than before.

"Well, I can cook.", Hikari said to change the subject. "Who's hungry?"

Misato, Kensuke, Asuka and Pen-Pen raised their hands. One after another looked at Toji.

"You're not hungry?"

"I think, I lost it...", Toji said in an end of the world voice.

"Asuka, would you lend me a hand in the kitchen?", Hikari said, again trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, I guess no one of these _persons_ could cook anyway.", she said in her 'I am better than you' voice.

"Yeah, we can't cook. So, --pointing to the kitchen-- it's all yours!", Misato said with a smile.

It slowly dawned Asuka, that she was more being used than being admired.

"Hey, that's cheating!"

"I didn't cheat you, just probably fleeced you a bit..."

"Hey, Misato-san outwitted the devil, that's...", Toji began. We'll probably never learn what Toji wanted to say, because Asuka was out for blood. Toji's blood, and he tried his best to prevent this.

------ Same house, two apartments further ------

"You hear that? Sounds like a party is going on...", the woman said.

"Probably a razzia...", the man stated.

"World war III?", a young girl asked.

"No, just the hot babe from the neighbourhood.", Yoshimo, student at the Tojibaru High, son of Jack Beam and Akiko Otohime, boyfriend of Naru Higurashi, best friend of Tamiya Kinomoto, best student of Jim Daniels, member of the nimble weasels pathfinders, best hacker in the Tokyo-three area, cook of the lamest chilly ever known, second best stunt driver in the school, impassionate collector of yebisu beer cans and a real unimportant side actor in this story, said amused. [AN: Alright, you caught me. I am not very creative when it goes to creating names... sue me, kick me, give me animal names!]

"Ahh!", the whole family moaned in union.

----- At Shinji's whereabouts ------

"Am I dreaming?", Shinji said in a madman voice. Then, he rubbed his eyes. As his view sharpened again, he began to smile.

"A STREET!!! I AM SAVED!!!", Shinji ran up to the street, kneeled down and kissed the wet asphalt.

"Thanks --kiss-- this --kiss-- is --kiss-- the best --kiss-- street I've --kiss-- ever seen.", Shinji muttered in pleasure.

[AN: I've stopped his kissing because it could get out of hand. I once kissed the street like him. I was walking home on a field path. Drunk as a skunk I finally reached the street. I was happy! The asphalt was so warm, I slept a round on it, but we're off the topic...]

Shinji, confident as he hadn't been for a long time, walked down the street. Nothing could possibly stop him. Or is there something that could?

"I'll be home in 20 minutes. Nothing can stop me anymore---", he said as his right foot broke through a gully.

"LET GO!!! YOU FUCKIN' SEWERS WONT GET ME ANOTHER TIME!!!"

Shinji struggled and shouted like a small child, but was successful in the end. The only thing the gully got, was his shoe.

"Satisfied? That's all you get. HA!!!"

Laughing like a real madman, he jogged down the street.

After only ten minutes, he reached the city limits. There was a sign saying 'Welcome to Tokyo-three.' Under this sign, there was the NERV logo.

'God is in heaven, where else should he be.'

"God is in heaven? God is in Hawaii and enjoying some Hula-skirt wearing girls. Devil is his vacation replacement and he is doing HIS job very well...", Shinji grumbled.

A thunder announced the prove for Shinji's theory. The ice cold rain became ice cold hail. Shinji shook his head.

"I should write a novel about this day. But who would want to read a story about my day of misfortune?"

Shinji looks up to the readers right now.

"Well, so much for that..."

Shinji continued his walk, the hail coming down like concrete. After some minutes, the streets had turned white.

"This is certainly not my day..."

Shinji walked through the streets, as close to the buildings as he could. Just as he was able to see his apartment in the distance, he heard a crack.

Fearing, that the streets would be torn apart and devil would come out to pick him up, he looked around, but couldn't see anything. Shinji didn't know where to look, not until he looked down.

'Every good is coming from above...', he thought. As he looked up, he knew the truth of this phrase. An ice plate, formed on the roof out of all this hail, came down with amazing speed. This was not the bad news. But, Shinji stood directly under it.

"Oh no...", he said and got knocked out as the ice plate crashed onto him.

There he was again, the tropical island. Only him, the engine of a 1967 Ford Mustang Shelby GT-500 and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Because he only saw use for one of the two items, he put the bottle aside and took a closer look at the engine. It was working on it's own, but it spoke:

"Gimme a drink!"

"Pardon?"

"I need Whiskey!"

"Sounds unbelievable..."

"You're talking to an engine right now..."

"You got a point there."

Shinji took the bottle and was about to ask, where to fill in but saw a sign 'Alcoholics in here' under a funnel. Looking around one more unsure time, he tilted the good stuff in. The engine responded by hauling heavily.

"Thanks buddy, now wake up and go home!"

Shinji, suddenly awake, felt the hail again falling in his face. Slowly, he stood up.

"Jesus, my dreams are getting weirder every time... Must be the alcoholics I sleep in the same apartment with..."

As he stood again, he made a self check.

"Alive?" 'yes'

"Health?" 'A little bit'

"Position?" 'Good question!'

As he looked up, he saw his house only five hundred metres away.

"Luck?" 'I wouldn't count on that...'

Shinji began to walk again. His head felt two sizes too small for his brain. Headache was the underestimation of the day.

----- The house containing the half dead Toji -----

"I warned you, stooge!", Asuka said angry.

"He wont say it again!" 'He can talk of luck if he will ever be able to speak again.'

"Calm down Asuka, I don't want to fill out one of those stupid forms which say that a civilian died in an accident containing a pilot under my charge...", Misato said bored.

"I've got some food here, who wants some?", Hikari cheered from the kitchen.

After everybody stormed into the kitchen (Toji hobbled in slowly), there was a greedy silence.

There was nothing special for the next five minutes.

"We probably should take him to a doctor afterwards, he's not looking that good.", Kensuke said with some rice still in his mouth.

"Swallow, then talk. By the way, I don't see any differ!", Asuka stated.

Everyone looked up as they all heard the door bell.

"A doctor?"

"No, Section two."

"Nope, the neighbours."

"I schtill hope for the medic..."

"Military forces, no doubt!"

"You are all wrong!", said Rei and they all stood up. "It's Ikari-kun!"

As they got to the door, Misato pushed the 'open' button.

* * *

* * *

Who is at the door? Will Toji ever talk again? Did the author really do the things he said he did?

Wait a little and you'll find out! May the force be with the author... and some rest!


	9. The final achievement

Answer 1: read below!

Answer 2: read below as well!

Answer 3: you can bet your ass!

Disclaimer: Alright, you caught me. I am Hideaki Anno in a German costume! I own Evangelion and everything else in this world. You all belong to me! And I am not insane or megalomaniac! I don't care what my psychiatrists say; I'm not a madman just because I'm running around in a chicken costume and claim to be god... I AM NOT CRAZY!!!

Yann-kun: Easy MyWay, easy... They are all gone!

MyWay: --breathing heavy--

Yann-kun: He's gone nuts!

MyWay: I AM NOT NUTS!!! Because "this" is in speech and 'this' in thought; -:this:- is some doing while having a call; --this-- is some seamless doing in a sentence (or something like that...) See? SEE? That's the proof! I AM NOT A LOONY!!!

Yann-kun: Yes you are! You say that slogan in every chapter. You - are - crazy!

MyWay: AAAARRGGHHH! --runs around and jumps out of the window eventually--

Yann-kun: Hey folks, painful impact with concrete for the author, another chapter for you all!

* * *

Chapter nine: Home free

Everyone stared at the door as it opened. Disbelief was written all over their faces.

"That's..."

"...not..."

"...possible!"

"Hey guys, sorry it took so long, but I had to run over a freak to get here."

"Who the fuckin' hell ordered a pizza?", Misato asked furiously.

Not Shinji Ikari stood in the door, but a pizza-boy.

"Well, some guy named 'Urashimo' called an hour ago and said, that this apartment needs pizza baldy, so he paid it in advance and said that we should hurry or his life would be about to be fucked up."

"Yeah, pizza! Good food for men!", Toji said to everyone's surprise. I mean, he actually said something.

"Are you implying, that my food is not worth to be called 'good'?", Hikari asked as her aura became fiery.

"That's not what I- wait, I can explain! HEEELP!!!", shouted the already damaged boy while running for his life the second time this day.

"Geez, these two...", Kensuke sighed.

"Isn't love supposed to be peaceful?", Rei asked from the side.

"Ahm... A bit of argumentation belongs to every relationship. People have to discuss their problems in order to solve them! A relationship without any argumentation is doomed to fail.", Misato said thinking.

"How far can these argumentations go?"

"Sometimes, in the heat of a fight, people say and do things they regret afterwards. Once a damage is done, it can't be repaired that easy.", Misato said in thought. Her expression became regretful.

'Ikari and I do some talking, but have we ever argued? We had something like an argumentation on that escalator. I've slapped him back then. Just like major Katsuragi said. --grumbles-- I have to apologize.'

Kensuke noticed Rei's thinking.

"You should be careful about what to say to Rei in these kinds of matters. She misunderstands things quite easily.", Kensuke whispered behind his hand.

"What do you mean?", Misato asked back.

Rei stood up.

"I have to find Ikari-kun!"

Silence again.

"Ah, now I see...", Misato said while rolling her eyes.

"You will stay here! You will explain your strange behaviour, Wonder girl."

"Don't ask...", Toji and Kensuke said in union.

"I'm in love with Ikari-kun."

Real silence... One could hear the heartbeat of a fly!

"Misato,", Asuka said and turned to her guardian, "the first child is possessed by an angel."

"Probably, she is possessed, but not by an angel.", Misato said and smiled.

No one noticed, but I tell you readers. Asuka blushed. One moment of blush, but Asuka regained her senses quick. (Even if someone had noticed, he wouldn't have believed his eyes, would he? Would you???)

No one really understood what she said, but the result was clear. Asuka and Hikari disappeared in Asuka's room. Toji got slapped. Kensuke lay on the ground. Rei sat at the table and Misato, how wonder some, grabbed another beer. The pizza boy still stood in the doorway.

"The oldest and most common feeling of humanity...", Misato grumbled into her beer.

"Do you mean love?"

"That's number one, yes.", Misato said and sighed satisfied.

"Which is number two?", Kensuke asked from the ground.

But not Misato gave the answer, the blue haired girl did.

"Jealousy..."

"Ahm, excuse me, but what about these pizzas now?", the young man asked.

------ The Streets of Tokyo three, twenty minutes ago ------

"Jesus, it's cold. I'm freezing my ass off...", Shinji said while his teeth chattered.

His arms folded around his chest, he walked against the wind.

'Hey, that side street should bring me home faster!', Shinji thought hopefully as he got sight of a small passage through some houses. Unfortunately he did not remember, that he took the same street this morning the other way.

"I can see it, I can see...", Shinji stopped short as he got sight of something familiar. A dog.

"Stay away! I'm serious, I already fought a croc today, so you are nothing for me but an appetizer!", Shinji threatened in his animal-despise-voice.

The dog, after all three foot tall and armed with sparkling teeth, was as afraid as a blade of grass in the morning sun. The dog came closer, growling like hell's guardian.

'So much for the intimidation...'

Shinji jerked as the dog barked at him. Fast thinking was unavoidable.

'Damn, nothing here I could use for defence. No place to hide either, and I bet all my clothes that this half horse can run faster than I can. What should I do?'

He had no time to think for an answer. He was forced to try if he could compete with the dog in the matter of speed.

"AAAARRRGGHH!!!", Shinji screamed on his retreat, the dog on his tracks.

'The street!', Shinji thought. ' Perhaps I can climb up a street lamp... What am I thinking? These running teeth will dismantle me in no time...'

As Shinji got up to the street, he realized quickly that he would never get up in time. So he decided to run up the street. As he saw lights coming closer, he tried to stop the car. A fatal mistake...

"A car, HEY! HELP ME! STOP PLEASE! HEEELP!"

Shinji, the euphoria in his veins, did really believe this car would stop for him. Well, there is the catch in it. Believing is like hoping... hoping is for who? The one's without luck...

"HEY, WAIT!!! AAARRRGGHH...", the scream was interrupted by the sound something bashing against a very fast car.

The good news is, that the dog is not chasing Shinji anymore. The bad thing, the car did not only hit the dog...

"Was that a young boy?", the pizza boy asked himself as he looked into the rear mirror. He just shrugged and went on.

In a puddle of water, there he lay. The hero of this story. The boy who defeats angels. The boy whose balls were kicked out this day. The unconscious one...

----- Tropical Island -----

Shinji looked up and sighed.

"Here again? What's coming now? A chess playing dinosaur? A flying whale? Albert Einstein in a chicken costume?", Shinji asked the shore. Only waving came back.

"Well --sigh-- I guess I'll see it soon enough..."

He waited, but nothing happened. The island was as an island should be. Quiet...

"Come on Shinji, wake up. I want to go home...", he said impatiently.

He sighed again but stopped short, as he heard something moving behind him.

'Ah, here it comes...'

"Shinji...", three voices whispered. Very seductively!!!

"What the-", Shinji began, but the rest stuck in his throat as he turned around. There, only very barely clothed, were the three women of his life. Misato, Rei and Asuka. All of them coming closer.

"Yeah..." Shinji's faced morphed into a big grin.

"Do you want me?", Misato asked.

"Or me?", Asuka suggested.

"Or all of us together?", Rei offered.

"Well ladies, I know this sounds cocky, but there is enough Shinji for all of you!", Shinji said macho style.

"Why don't we go over to the shadows... I think it's quite hot here.", Asuka said and played with her bra.

"Yes, that's it! That's the dream I ordered! Let's have some-"

Shinji wanted to go, but his right foot wasn't moving. Like something was holding it back.

"That's a bad joke!", he said. His voice showed pure panic.

Then, very slowly at first, an invisible force pulled on his foot, trying to drag him to the ocean.

"NO, I want to do the dream! --tries to get off the invisible force-- LET GOOOO!!!"

Shinji fell but still tried to resist. The force pulled harder.

"NOOOO, NOT YET!!!", Shinji looked hopefully over to the girls, but they began to do the dream on their own. "AAAARRRGGGHHH, WAIT... I WANT TO PARTICIPATE!!!"

Shinji tried to rob, but wasn't successful. He looked like he was swimming in the sand.

"NOOOOOOOO....."

Eventually Shinji gave in. He was pulled away from the island. He now could see a transparent rope around his foot which was dragging him away. As he looked into the flying course he didn't want to believe his eyes.

"I don't deserve this...", he said in self-pity.

At the other end of the rope, around ten meters above the waterline, flew a whale. On a boat under him was a dinosaur sitting at a table and playing chess with himself and some grey haired freak in a chicken costume grinned at him and waved goodbye.

Shinji began to cry in desperation.

------ The dangerous streets of Tokyo three ------

As Shinji opened his eyes, he felt like shit.

"That's not fair... GOD, when do you plan to pay back for this day? WHEN???"

------ Hawaii, a beach, a person -------

"Hehehe, never!!!", the men said evilly.

As he was rubbing his hands for the next best idea to torture Shinji when another man appeared.

WHACK -- a bulge formed on the first man's head --

"Jesus, what was that for?"

"You will do him some good, understood?"

"Who am I? God?"

"You are God!"

Silence...

"You got a point there... alright, may luck be with him.", God, who looks similar to the author, said and folded his hands together in front of him.

"Alright Pop, I leave it up to you...", Jesus said. (Strange, I could swear Yann-kun looks like Jesus... No kidding!!!)

Jesus went off to the beach bar, chatting with some hot babes.

"Hehehe --hand rub-- but not yet!"

------ Streets -----

Shinji straightened up growling.

"THAT'S INHUMAN!!!"

He breathed like an old train. The dog on the other side of the street barked once and snarled.

"COME OVER IF YOU DARE TO!!!", Shinji shouted. Not his words were intimidating, but his eyes. He looked like devil himself. The dog made a 'tail-between-the-legs' retreat.

"NOW I GO HOME AND NOTHING AND NOBODY WILL STOP ME!!!"

------ The Katsuragi apartment ------

"I think we should look for him. It's getting late..."

"Really? And where should we look for him? I'm not sure if you remember, but we already looked for him. And the fact that he is not here right now is no sign of success in my eyes...", Toji said and rubbed his cheek, which still showed a slight imprint of a hand.

"We let Ayanami lead! I mean, she's so alien lately, I wouldn't be surprised if she would find him."

"I wouldn't be neither... but nevertheless, he could be everywhere. Perhaps some slave trader sold him to a crazy old man in middle Siberia and there he must shrub old SS-20 missiles..."

"Since when do you know about old Russian rockets? Are you mutating into a military freak as well???", Kensuke asked hopefully.

"How often have you told me about the Cuba crisis and about every little detail? Do you think I couldn't keep something in my mind --observing Kensuke's reaction-- I am not transforming into a guy, who has pictures of weapons and battleships instead of hot babes!"

"HEY!!! --acts hurt-- I have pictures of hot girls! Even videos! I've borrowed you some! Remember that!!!"

"Right, the one with the blonde cutie doing-"

"Excuse me, but we don't want to hear that!", Misato said irritated.

"Oh, right... The chance to find him might be low, but at least it's a chance! If you don't try, you'll not succeed for sure."

"You're right, Kensuke... --turns to Misato-- perhaps we should split up. We don't all fit in your car anyway..."

"ASUKA!", Misato shouted, "We're searching Shinji. You come?"

For about seven seconds, there was no reply.

"She probably-", Toji began. He was interrupted by music.

Loud music coming from Asuka's room. Kind of Rock.

"I think that's an answer as well... So we all fit in the car. Let's go."

Misato grabbed her car keys, Rei arranged her thoughts, Toji picked up Kensuke and Pen-Pen installed a shower cabin in the bathroom.

Deeply in thought, they got into the elevator.

'I could swear Ikari-kun is nearby...', Rei thought as they arrived at the car.

----- 42 seconds earlier -----

"Elevator? Why are you going up without me? You know what, I'll take sporty route. Thanks...", Shinji said ironically and ran up the stairs. Well, running would be the wrong description, but at least he tried to.

As he arrived upstairs, the elevator just closed and it went down.

"Hey, if you don't like me, then tell me!" Shinji shook his head.

As he approached the door, he noticed that it was not really closed. So, Shinji stepped in.

'Hey, I'm lucky... The sky will come down on all of us...'

"Tadaima..."

* * *

* * *

Will Shinji find happiness? Will the rescue troop find Shinji? How the hell can a penguin install a shower cabin?

The answers will be yours! JUST - GIVE - ME - SOME - TIME ! ! ! !

Really, you folks need more patience. I was camping!!! Many alcoholic drinks were obscuring my mind... I don't know if this chapter is good or not, but now he's home. Don't think his day is over now! --rubs his hands— -- get's beaten by Jesus / Yann-kun again –

Yann-kun: "I saw that!"

I thought about it. I'm not sure if I should end his day in the evening or next morning. Let's make a vote. Write your opinion in your review. That means, you have to review!

10 reviews saying 'I want the next morning. Do it stupid.' And I'll make a chapter you WILL love!!! Trust me...

By the way, you can also say: "Dear Master Manu (my real name), please share your endless great writing skills with us. In your infinite kindness, be so generous to bright our days and update the next morning..." Sounds good to me! You don't have to crawl on the ground, so stand up.


	10. An evening at home

Answer 1: Perhaps in the next story? The long awaited (happy) sequel?

Answer 2: Why not? Those who seek shall find…

Answer 3: How should I know? But I need that cabin later…

Disclaimer: --chirp, chirp--

Yann-kun: Heh? Where is he? The author is missing! Guess I have to say it. Evangelion and it's characters are none of our belongings. Anno-sama and Gainaxx make money with that. We CERTAINLY do not.

MyWay: Youkata… I was not forced to say that stuff again. I feel so relieved.

Yann-kun: Where the hell have you been?

MyWay: Well, first I was in a normal clinic, recovering from my downfall…

Yann-kun: Downfall!? My ass, you jumped!

MyWay: No one cares about the details. --coughs-- Then they put me into a psychiatry, I don't know why.

Yann-kun silent: I have a certain idea…

MyWay: --coughs-- I got out of that stupid jacket and tried to walk home, but a cop arrested me. Can you imagine?

Yann-kun: How wonder some. I actually can!

MyWay: I released myself for good behaviour and now I'm here.

Yann-kun: In some countries they call that 'Jail-break'!

MyWay: --grumbles-- shut up. Who's talking to you anyway? The readers want to read the story, so be quiet and watch the show.

Yann-kun: No one is really reading this stuff… Confess, you are paying people to send reviews!

MyWay: --looks shocked-- You have no proof! --fires mega laser beam on Yann-kun-- Who wants his ass toasted? No one? So, let's begin!

Yann-kun: No, wait! "this" is in speech and 'this' in thought; -:this:- is some doing while having a call; --this-- is some seamless doing in a sentence (or something like that...)

MyWay: GAH, be silent! --fires some more laser beams--

* * *

Chapter ten: An evening at home

Pen-pen, who just finished the installation of a high class shower cabin in only 67 seconds (Let's call the Guinness book guys!), walked down the hallway to refresh in his fridge. He was rather surprised to see someone standing in the doorway. Pen² used the elevator view (you start at the feet and go up from there! Usually to check out hot bunnies!!!) to examine the person.

'Standing in a puddle of water, most certainly wet like an ocean. Only one shoe… both socks dirty like Ritsuko's lungs… the lower part of the trouser torn, the upper has some blood stains on a very suspicious spot …the shirt has a giant red spot and one sleeve is also torn. Not to mention the blood there. One black eye and a bulge on the forehead. And the hairstyle is worst of all…'

After the use of all his creativity, Pen-Pen was able to confirm that Shinji Ikari was back home. 'That spine missing jerk again…'

Pen² continued his way back to his fridge.

"Tadaima…"

Shinji didn't really expect somebody to answer. He heard some loud music coming from Asuka's room. At first, he was tempted to knock and say hello, but a sudden pain occurring between his legs forced him to stop.

'Better not, another kick and I'll die or even worse, become impotent.', Shinji thought. 'Not that I had any plans for family either, but nobody knows what future brings…'

As he walked up to the kitchen, his stomach grumbled like ten foot tall bear.

'Guess I am hungry… It smells like someone has cooked not too long ago… Conclusion: We had guests here. Misato's food never smells good and Asuka's food is far too simple for such a good smell.'

He sniffed around, trying to find the source of the smell. As Shinji found it, he had to notice that the pan and everything else were as empty as his stomach.

"It was so obvious…"

Shinji checked the fridge, but except for beer, there was nothing inside. Shinji checked the other fridge, much to Pen² displeasure. There was no normal food inside, but still, there were sardines for the penguin.

An evil smile grew on Shinji's face.

"One of us will eat now, the other has to starve. I'm sorry my friend…"

Drooling, he came closer. Pen-Pen, who realized the severity of his situation, quickly pushed a red button no one has ever seen before. That caused the fridge door to close immediately. Much too Shinji's displeasure this time, because his hand already was half inside.

"AAAAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!", Shinji screamed in pain. After some moments of suffering, he tried to open the fridge, but it was locked.

"YOU... you, the greedy croc and the stinky dog… You are all on my personal list of endangered animals!", he threatened loud.

------ Asuka's room -------

Hikari, who just thought she had heard somebody scream, wanted to know certain things.

"Now, why aren't we helping Major Katsuragi and the others to find Shinji?", Hikari asked in a low voice.

"That jerk is fine...", Asuka said, not paying real attention to the question.

"Aren't you worried about him at all?"

Asuka's right eye made a dangerous twitch.

"No, he survives everything…"

"After all, he could be hurt!"

A vein on Asuka's forehead showed her pulse visible for everyone who would pay attention.

"He is Shinji, the invincible no-help-needing super pilot, he doesn't need any support from lowly creatures like us..."

"ASUKA!", Hikari shouted and stood up, her face red as tomato.

Asuka, who never showed any sign of fear in her life, failed to hide this time. Her friend was not as she used to. Her expression showed nothing of kindness of calmness anymore. Her glare showed pure anger.

"Hi-ka..."

"HOW CAN YOU SAY SUCH THINGS ABOUT IKARI-KUN?"

"Well, he's... he always...", Asuka got lost in her own words.

"WHAT?"

"OH COME ON, we're talking about Shinji. The one who defeats the angels... we are just little bugs to him..."

The loud sound of a slap ran through the room. Asuka stared at her friend with disbelief.

"You... you slapped me...", Asuka said in shock. She held her cheek with her hand.

"Ikari never thought about being superior. He doesn't think of himself as a hero. And you know that pretty well! --takes some deep breaths-- Why are you always implying that Ikari is doing so? Why do you create so much hatred and scorn against someone, who never did any harm to you, who always wants to help you!"

Hikari wasn't angry anymore, she was confused about Asuka's actions. Pure misunderstanding was written all over her face.

Asuka was out of words, which is a rare thing! But she knew, if she wanted to take control of this situation, she would have to do something quick.

"He's not helping at all. He's outperforming me as often as he can, so he just thinks of himself as the better pilot."

Hikari wanted to say something, but Asuka began to regain her countenance again.

"It is as I say! This issue is over now!", Asuka said determined.

So, only the music was to be heard in Asuka's room for some time.

------ kitchen -------

Shinji watched in awe as his fingers began to swell.

'Great, that's what I needed to make this day complete… No food and a penguin screwing my hand…'

Shinji, exhausted from this day, stretched and noticed something irritating.

'Goddamn… I stink like a bunch of dead skunks… I guess, a bath would do me some good.'

So, the angel-killing-list leading pilot walked over to the bathroom. As he opened the door, he had to rub his eyes.

"What the hell…?"

There, completely new, was a shower cabin and the bathtub was filled with water. In that mysterious water swam some fishes.

'Okay, the fishes are explainable, but who would install a shower cabin? The girls wouldn't for sure and we don't have that much money for hand workers.'

As he examined the bathtub, he checked the water temperature with a very complicated procedure. He put a finger into the water.

"Too cold for a bath anyway…"

Suddenly, he heard a movie's theme… he couldn't place a finger on it, but he knew that he has seen this movie… he lost himself in thinking.

At the non-Shinji corner of the bathtub, a thump sized flipper appeared. With amazing slow motion speed, it came closer to Shinji's finger.

"'Psycho'? Nope… 'Alien'? Nah… 'The Fly'? 'Lake Placid'? 'Tremors'? 'Sleepy Hollow'? 'Hell Raiser'? 'Stephen King's It'? 'Sleepless in Seattle'? Damn, I know it's a horror movie…"

(A/N: Now that I think about it, not a bad collection for an eleven year old boy, now is it?)

"I got it!", he said smiling. But that smile faded away in the blink of an eye.

He lifted his hand out of the water and watched irritated that a freaking fish was hanging on his index finger.

"'Jaws'… very funny indeed…"

With a very fast movement, he swung his arm and the fish flew against the wall and plumped into the water again. As Shinji looked at his finger, he noticed many tiny. Blood began to drop on the floor.

"I think, I've never lost that much blood in only one day… --shakes head in disbelief-- well, it's been one hell of a day."

As Shinji approached the shower, he noticed that it was not using faucet but a lever.

As he checked the surroundings, he saw himself in the mirror.

"God… That way I won't need any costume for Halloween… I really look like something death has brought with him in his suitcase…", he said and pulled some grimaces…

"Let's have a nice bath…. shower… whatever…"

The boy began to undress…

------ entrance ------

The door opened and the whole rescue team stepped in the apartment, no one saying a word. After Misato had grabbed her beer, they all seated themselves…

"300 lousy metres… I think this is a new record…", Toji said while shaking his head slightly.

"Yeah, too bad we had to push the car back here as well… Why didn't you notice that your alert lamp for the gas was on?"

"Dah… I was busy!"

###### flashback ######

"DAMN, I AM LATE…"

Misato drove through the city like a cat on fire. Out of the corner of her eyes, she saw the alert light.

'Beer or gas?'

She speeded up.

"The supermarket will close in about five minutes… I NEED MY BEER!!!"

With squealing tires, she shot around the corner and killed three people. At least, that's what those three people thought for an instant.

###### end of flashback ######

Misato scratched her head and a sweat drop appeared on her forehead.

'Damn'

Everyone backed up, as Asuka's room door opened.

"Did you find that jerk?", she asked in her 'good' mood…

Without waiting for an answer, she walked over to the fridge.

"Nope, our trip ended after only two blocks…"

"Find him, somebody has to do the shopping!", she said pissed as she saw the emptiness of the fridge. She went over to the other.

"Say, why didn't you help us finding him?", Toji asked while stretching.

"Aren't you worried about him at all?", Kensuke asked curiously.

"After all, he could be hurt!", Toji taught her.

Asuka, who stood with her back to the guys, began to turn around slowly. A fiery aura surrounding her.

'Uh oh… poor boys… gonna die so young…'

Asuka turned her head around fast and threw Toji a death-glare in his eyes. Toji, who jerked back, held his heart with both his hands, a horrified look on his face. Then, he slowly slid down the chair sideways.

"One down, --looking over to Kensuke-- one to go!"

Kensuke, who realized that death was just around the corner, crouched under the table with amazing speed.

Asuka snorted aloud and was about to retreat to her room of dominance, when Hikari realized that her chance to talk about the subject from earlier was now or never.

"Katsuragi-san, is Ikari-kun really that mean to Asuka while they are in their robots?", Hikari asked loud and blocked the way back into Asuka's room.

Then, silence…

Misato's face became red and redder… and after ten seconds, she couldn't hold back anymore. She laughed like there was no tomorrow.

"HAAHAAHAA… SHINJI THE MEAN…. HUUUHUUHUUIII…. That's like 'the nice commander'! MUAHAHAHA…", she laughed and sounded like a chicken high on laughing gas.

Misato held her chest tight and fell off the chair next to Toji, who was still paralyzed. Her laughter did not stop.

"I'll take that as a 'no'…"

Asuka had to smile inwards herself, just because the sheer thought of Commander Ikari being nice and friendly was way too weird.

"So, why are you saying that Ikari is mean?"

"You can be quite persistent, you know?", the red-haired pilot said silent.

"Don't you see? He's only trying to help you."

"Oh yeah…. And when did he ever help me?", Asuka asked bored.

"He saved you back at mount Asama. Without him, you'd be toast!", Kensuke said half loud from under the table.

Asuka turned her head slowly and threw some death-glares through the table.

"He was ordered to, that's not help!"

Misato's laughter died down. With tears of joy in her eyes, she stood up.

"That's new to me!"

"What do you mean, Katsuragi-san?", Hikari asked confused.

"He received orders, but not to save her!"

###### flashback ######

"The cable will tear any second!", Maya said in hectic.

"PULL HER UP!"

"We can't Shinji, not fast enough!"

EVA-01 stormed to the edge of the volcano, looking down into the lava.

"Shinji, don't even think about it. We can't risk loosing both Units!"

"YOU WANT TO LET HER DIE?"

"Shinji, this is an order! You must not enter the magma!"

Shinji looked through the video intercom into Misato's eyes.

"Make me obey.", he demanded calmly.

Having said that, he jumped into the volcano, not wasting one more second for thinking.

###### end of flashback ######

"This was not my order!", Misato said in defence as everyone looked at her with horror other their faces.

"Then, who else could have given that order, if not you?", Asuka asked annoyed.

"Commander Ikari.", Rei said. (A/N: Confess, you all forgot that she was still there, right? I just remembered she was there ;)

A moment of real silence, broken by the cough of Toji; his heart attack is over.

"Why don't we all have a nice discussion to keep peace between us all?", Misato asked in an infantile way.

"Fine with me!", Asuka said even more infantile.

"Freaky…", Kensuke whispered to Toji.

"Scary!", Toji whispered back.

So, absurd as it may sound, but they all sat down and began to talk. The discussion did not contain any sense, but it was a discussion. A good first step!

Kensuke was the only one who noticed the sound of the shower. First, it was not anything special to him, but he began to wonder. He held five fingers of his hand up and looked around. After confirming the presence of somebody, he took one finger down. So, there he was, all fingers down.

"Say, who is using the shower if not one of us?"

Everyone looked at him in disbelief.

"Pen-Pen, he's taking more baths than all of us together."

At right that moment, Pen² got out of his fridge, eating a sardine.

"Say, you don't have two penguins in your apartment, do you?", Toji asked dumply.

Misato, took a close look at her beer.

"Well, sometimes I am not that sure myself…", she admitted flatly.

"Sure, if I was as drunk as you are sometimes, I could not count freaky birds in my messy apartment as well.", Asuka said half aloud from the side.

Everyone looked up as they heard a scream, coming from the bathroom…

* * *

* * *

Yeah, suspense in the end… that's the way aha aha I like it aha aha… okay, I stop singing…

I know, over a month and only that bunch of crap… I am really sorry! But if I don't update anything, somebody might throw a thousand gangrene causing chainsaws after me…

And I know, I am treating Shinji to nice recently, but hey, I begin to feel bad for him!

Say, have we ten statements, "please oyakata-sama, bring us the morning"? I can't remember that clearly… I should stop smoking that weed from the basement… I see yellow shoes kickin' a pink cow…

Yann-kun: Come on, don't be that harsh with yourself! It was a nice chapter after all, wasn't it?

MyWay: Have you been drinking?

Yann-kun: That was no suitable answer to my question!

MyWay: I am the god of hell fire, and I bring you: FIRE --dances around Yann-kun, singing--

Yann-kun: You promised to stop singing! --pulls electric guitar and slaps MyWay with it --Rock And Roooooooll!

MyWay: It's moments like this when I get the best ideas for my stories!

Yann-kun: Yay, and it still wasn't a suitable answer to my question.... never mind...


	11. The Shower Of Pain

MyWay: Damn, I forgot to ask questions in the end... Me and my useless brain…

Yann-kun: It's not useless… less useful than others, but not useless.

MyWay: --rolls his eyes-- thanks, that's the encouragement I needed.

Yann-kun: Come on, you have to see the bright side!

MyWay: The bright side? And what is the bright side?

Yann-kun: How should I know what your bright side looks like… really, you try to make things way too easy…

MyWay: Say, are you trying to give me mental supply or do you intend to drive me into the psychiatry?

Yann-kun: This is a question for my attorney. I refuse to make a statement.

MyWay: Nobody likes me…

Kenuyasha: I like you.

Yann-kun: How the hell did you find your way in here?

Kenuyasha: Well, I wanted to go to work, but I turned off at the wrong gateway crossed a river and now I am here.

Yann-kun: That was no river that was the Atlantic Ocean!

Kenuyasha: --nodding-- Seemed too deep for a river anyway…

Yann-kun and MyWay: --sweat drops on their foreheads-- Gah…

Kenuyasha: So, now that I am here, let's PAR-TAY!!! --Cheering up the mood--

MyWay: What about the story? I can't let the readers down. I love them… in a platonically way…

Kenuyasha: Let's PAR-TAY while we do this story!

MyWay: Okay, sounds good to me…

Kenuyasha: Say, --this-- is in speech and !this! in thought; :..this..: is some doing while having a call; xxthisxx is some seamless doing in a sentence, right?

Yann-kun: No, )this( is in speech and $this$ in thought; --this-- is some doing while having a call; "this" is some seamless doing in a sentence, no doubt.

MyWay: "THIS" IS IN SPEECH AND 'THIS' IN THIUGHT; -:THIS:- IS SOME DOING WHILE HAVING A CALL; --THIS-- IS SOME SEAMLESS DOING IN A SENTENCE… --breathes heavy-- is that so complicated?

Yann-kun and Kenuyasha are playing a dice game.

Yann-kun: --turns to MyWay-- Did you say anything in the past 19 years?

MyWay: GAH!! --faints--

Yann-kun: Great, and I have to disclaim again… Evangelion, it's characters and writing talent are not in our possession. So, let's get on with the game, I am about to win.

Kenuyasha: In your wildest dreams, little boy!

* * *

Chapter Eleven: The Shower Of Pain

There he was, standing, butt naked as god created him, in front of the mirror. He was observing his wounds and counted them as a side effect

'Jeez, boy you look bad…' he thought as he looked down. 'Like something from outer space…'

"Okay, --clapping his hands together-- let's do it…"

He approached the shower.

'Okay… but how do I do it?'

He took a grip of that lever. He pulled it slightly to him. Result: Water began to flow out of the shower head. He pulled the lever to the right. Result: The water became cold. He pulled the lever to the left. Result: A very strong pain, occurring on his arm, told him, that the water became VERY hot.

After five minutes of continuous tries, how one should handle that shower, he got the idea and stepped inside. With good temperate water, he began to relax. Everything was fine… he washed his hair and took his time for doing so; no problems.

He soaped himself very good but he turned inside of the cabin. Without even noticing it, he made contact with the heat lever. He pushed the lever completely to the left with his butt, still soaping himself. The water gave no sign of reaction for about two seconds… Unfortunately he turned again, facing the shower head. The water however did not made contact with Shinji on his head, but about three feet below.

A/N: You think this is funny? I experienced this; it is not that funny if you're the boiled one!

THEN the water became hot in an instant. It took Shinji about 0,5 seconds to realize that HE stood in a stream of steaming hot water; and another 0,1 seconds to start screaming.

"HAAASAAAHOOOOOIIII!"

In the middle of his defence measures, he let go of the soap. After three seconds, the only solution left was done. Retreat! Shinji, not caring about the casualties, jumped out of the shower.

Luck, which was not with him today, refused to help him yet again. The soap, lying on the floor so innocently, was the first thing Shinji's foot made contact with. Loosing any balance left, Shinji fell forward and made a painful head-contact with the basin; then with the bathtub and finally with the floor.

----- kitchen ------

Misato, took a close look at her beer.

"Well, sometimes I am not that sure myself…" she admitted flatly.

"Sure, if I was as drunk as you are sometimes, I could not count freaky birds in my messy apartment as well." Asuka said half aloud from the side.

Everyone looked up as they heard a scream, coming from the bathroom…

"I have heard that scream before… and I know what got hurt." Toji said in sorrow.

Seconds passed by…

"Say, shouldn't we look after him? After all, he might be hurt…" Kensuke suggested.

They all looked at each other.

"Sounds like a clever idea…"

Now everyone stormed to the bathroom. Toji was ahead from all others and opened the door. Just to close it again and make a grimace of pain and condolence.

"How is he? Is he alright?" Rei asked and all stood in front of Toji.

"He is …. alive." Toji said with a little hesitation.

"Let us in!" Misato said and took a step forward. Toji, his arms extended sideways, guarded this door like a hungry watchdog.

"Nope, you can't enter."

All of them were frowning.

"You say, I am forbidden enter my own bathroom?"

"We won't let you in!" Toji said and pointed at Kensuke.

"We won't?" he asked surprised, emphasizing the 'We' part.

"Yes, we won't! Shinji does not wish to be seen in his current state. "

Kensuke began to understand. He placed himself protective in front of the door as well.

"I think you have a wrong picture of the situation… It's three versus two here… and Mr. Aida does not seem like a fighting machine anyway." Misato said, clenching her fist with a smile.

"Maybe… if you want to enter this room, no problem. But only over my dead body!" Toji said certain.

"That's the sentence I waited so long to hear…" Asuka said with bloodlust in her eyes.

"Say, is this a good idea?" Kensuke whispered silent to Toji.

"Well, --swallows-- at least, it's an idea, ne?"

"GET 'EM!!!" Misato yelled. The fight began.

------- NERV Headquarters ------

"Sempai, did Section Two find Shinji yet?" Maya asked concerned.

"Unfortunately not… They sent two units to the house from which he called me, but he wasn't there…"

"Why not? He should know that we would send somebody to pick him up…"

"Well, he was in an apartment and it did not belong to him. So, the occupant was not that pleased… and called in police! Seems he ran away…"

"Uh oh… Ma'am, area scans complete." Shigeru said with a little fear in his voice.

Everyone turned around, a bad feeling in the stomach.

"How exactly am I supposed to interpret this 'Uh oh'?" Ritsuko asked a bit annoyed.

"Well, … 87 miles away… at 35,16,2 north and 144,12,17 east… the analyses are not certain, but there seems to be a blue pattern."

"An Angel? Now? --Curses several times; not determined for young readers-- Get major Katsuragi and the pilots here, NOW!" the blonde scientist commanded in a rather pissed voice.

"Target is coming closer with 10 meters per second… Estimated Target Arrival in 3.82 hours…"

"I hope we'll find Shinji in time…"

------ Katsuragi bloodbath apartment ------

"I guess, you've changed your mind, am I right?" Misato asked in a very heroic voice.

Only very grunting sounds came in response...Toji and Kensuke, lying on the ground, were still trying to guard the door. But, the success was zero. They only moved uncontrollable.

"So, let's see what we got here!"

But just as Misato was about to open the door, cell phones began to rang…

"Is that yours?" Asuka asked Misato.

"No, I think it's Reis!"

"I think all our cell phones are ringing."

------- Train central station; safekeeping storage ------

"Hey Al, take a breath here, this is real strong shit…"

"Come on, I just had some weed, I would fly away if I'd smoke more --thinks-- okay, gimme!"

The both low wage workers were interrupted by the sound of a ringing cellular phone.

"Say, is that a ringing phone or is the stuff from earlier stronger then we thought?"

"Well, I hear it too…"

They both began to look for the source of the sound. After 20 seconds, they found a bag, a ringing sound inside.

"Should we answer that call?"

"Al, we are the only ones here! So, whoever is on the other end wants to contact us, right?"

"Sounds logical…"

They opened the bag and pushed the green button on that phone.

"WHAZZUP??" Bob asked.

Bob did listen closely to the voice on the other end.

"Hey, what is it saying, tell me, I am curious, I wanna know, speak!"

"Well, --squints eyes and shrugs at the same moment-- something about an emergency and returning to NERV Headquarters…"

"Hell, I never knew you've been there…"

"Makes us two, dude! --thinks hard for some seconds-- I know what to do! Let's fume a destroyer-mixture!"

So, those two completely unimportant guys sang "Roll roll roll you joint, gently down the hand. Merry merry merry joint, comes to me in the end" and did what they were singing.

A/N: Don't do drugs, they are BAAD!

------ Katsuragi residence ------

"Hey girls, it's NERV. They say-"

"-It's an angel attack. Misato, you won't believe, but we hear the same message on our cell phones!" Asuka said with a light tone of bad mood.

They packed their stuff and were about to leave, as Misato stopped short.

"Is it just me, or did we forget something?" she asked with a stern expression.

"I don't know…"

"Clothes… check. Car keys… check. Gas… taxi. Money… enough for the taxi. Perhaps we did not forget anything after all."

"What about Shinji???" Asuka and Rei asked in union.

"AH, right, let's take him with us."

As they opened the bathroom door, they all stopped any movement. They just stood there, thinking about what to think of the picture that was offered to them here. A shower running, a young boy lying on the floor; his face up, just like other body parts. His arms and legs were positioned in a way no one would believe to be possible. His face was a mixture of pain and joy; he was drooling.

"Okay girls, he is dreaming about at least one of you two if not both, that's for sure. And those dreams seem to contain matters that should not be spoken out aloud in front of children. So --smirks complacently-- you two will handle that!"

Asuka jerked back, shock written all over her face.

"HANDLE THAT???" she yelled and pointed on highest part of Shinji's body.

"Girl, get a grip and control your hormones… you are supposed to cloth him, not to rape him."

"I-I-I was not th-thinking that!" Asuka mumbled in self-defence.

Misato only smiled and got closer to Asuka.

"Then, why are you stammering? Look at your hands, they are shaking! --watching Asukas shocked reaction with glee-- Do it like Rei, she is thinking the same but she doesn't give a sign to others!" Misato said lecturing.

Rei did not try to argue about that, she just suffered a slight blush.

"Alright girls, pack your late Christmas present and get your rears going, we are in a hurry."

"I have a better solution. Those two dead stooges want to dress him for sure, right boys?"

The response could not be identified as a yes, but Toji began to move again, controlled.

"Kens…. Gimme a hand…"

It only took three minutes to dress Shinji, but they needed nine minutes to stand up. Shinji was still unconscious. And he was still dreaming and drooling.

"Boys, pack in an extra boxer short for Shinji." Misato said after she called a NERV taxi.

"Why is that?"

"Because, if he keeps on dreaming like that, he'll definitely need a fresh one."

"MISATO, could you stop saying such things?"

"Why, can't we handle that? Is that image too tempting for you?"

But Misato did not smile, her expression was a bit stressful. Being chased by a 15 year old German girl who is out for her blood is nothing to laugh about; at least not for Misato.

"I don't want to interrupt this little catfight, but may I remember all present people that an angel is attacking." Rei said in a calm voice.

Silence…

"Okay, I'll kill you after I killed that angel. Let's go!"

They all went out.

"Thanks Rei, you saved my life" Misato whispered as they got into the elevator.

Rei remained silent. Her mind was occupied with something else.

* * *

* * *

What will happen? What is this thing out there? Why is the author writing so much crap? Perhaps we'll see in the next chapter.

Yann-kun and Kenuyasha are trying to revitalize MyWay, who is not coming back to the land of conscious people.

Kenuyasha: I think, you overdid it!

Yann-kun: Be silent and help me here…

Kenuyasha: Hey, you're not pissed just because you lost in that game, are you?

Yann-kun: No, I am pissed because I lost in that game and now have to do the mouth-to-mouth part of this process.

Kenuyasha: Well dear readers, we want to spare you that scene and we wish you a happy new year!

Yann-kun: And even if it's a little late, a merry Christmas!

Kenuyasha: If we get this boy conscious in time, you might be able to read his New-Year Fanfiction, but the way this looks here, I would not count on that fact…


	12. CoWorkers And Other Minor Creatures

Kenuyasha: Well, he's not conscious yet…

Yann-kun: Not my fault. I really tried my best -looks disgusted- to help him.

Kenuyasha: A good thing his last will contains this chapter.

Yann-kun: Yeah, but the readers might get angry… after all, we killed the author!

Kenuyasha: HEY, he's not dead!

Yann-kun: Well, he does not seem very alive to me…

Kenuyasha: He's just in coma, I'll show you.

Kenuyasha tickles MyWay who begins to smile

MyWay with glee: ICE CREAM…

Yann-kun: Okay, but how to make him wake up again?

Kenuyasha: I have an idea -grins evilly-

Yann-kun frightened: We do not own Evangelion or its characters and I have nothing to do with the things that are coming ahead… I'll burry myself in the basement, along with my guitar for at least a week!

/ > / > / > / > / > / > / > / > / > / > / > / >

Chapter Twelve: Co-Workers and other minor creatures

Shinji felt dizzy. His head was heavy and his body was aching. He opened his eyes just to see water. As he looked up he could confirm that he was on the ocean, on a float to be accurate.

"At least it's not that island again." he said and was glad not to be there.

After some minutes of drifting with the waves.

"On second thought, it's quite boring out here, not to mention that I don't like the idea of me being on a drifting float completely alone on the ocean…"

To make the time pass by, he counted the waves. The first 237 waves were okay, but then this whole matter became boring.

"Why am I here? Why do I exist? What is my purpose in life? Why do I have those annoying weird dreams?"

"You think he'll wake up anytime soon?"

Shinji looked up.

'Voices -Frowns- Talking fish?'

"I truly hope so; Ritsuko will kill me if not!"

'Sounds familiar… a beer fish?'

"Hey, can't you move him more to your side? Not that I couldn't handle that weight, but I dislike it right now!"

'… killer shark!'

"Oh, only right now? That means you usually like a boy on top, eh?"

'Sounds like a suicidal fish to me.'

"WHAT? JUST WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU! THIS TIME I'LL KILL YOU FOR SURE! DON'T STOP ME HIKARI, I'LL MAKE IT LOOK LIKE SUICIDE!"

"I hardly doubt that this will look like suicide in the end…"

'Okay, that's no fish. That's the voice of reason… Hikari?'

"Hey, I think he's waking up!"

Shinji slowly opened his eyes, just to look into Reis eyes. His senses were not back fully yet, but he noticed that she was smiling. A nice and warm smile. As he checked his surroundings he got surprised. They were in a car. That fact alone was not special, but including the driver, they were seven people. Misato sat on the side seat while Rei, Toji Hikari, Asuka and Kensuke were squeezing themselves into the rear seats. Shinji lay on top of them.

"Hey pal, had a nice nap?" Toji asked with a smile.

"I … was showering… and then… the water got hot! I jumped out… and hit the basin with my head… -expression gets stern- say, how did I find my way in here?"

"We carried you in here."

"Okay, but how did I find my way in here DRESSED?"

Total silence…

"If I was to tell you that you dressed yourself while you were unconscious, would you actually believe me?" Toji asked in a fun voice.

"Actually… not -Sighs- Let's care about that later. What's bugging me right now is: What are we doing all together in this car?"

"Driving to Headquarters, Angel attack!"

"Ah, I should have known… this day is really turning from an ordinary nightmare to a horrific frenzy…"

"I SAID GET HIM OFF ME!" Asuka yelled and struggled to make more room for her. Unfortunately she raised her knee in this process…

Shinji did not scream, but with his mouth wide open and his eyes filled with tears, it was quite clear to everyone what happened.

"HEY DEVIL, will you stop kickin' Shinji's crotch? He does not look like he had a pleasant day, so have some mercy with him."

"YOU should stop talking to me, you are already on my to-do list! Or do you want to switch places with him?"

With a slight movement she caused Shinji to show that painful expression again.

"Can't stand the temptation when Shinji is on top, eh?" Toji said challenging.

"YOU…" Asuka grumbled, her right eyebrow twitching fast and hard; she was near the boiling point now.

"I would appreciate if you would stop struggling, because I am feeling a lot of pain right now." Shinji stated in a pretty high pitched voice.

"And who cares? Pain lets you know you're still alive, right Shinji?"

With those last words she raised her knee again.

"YES… I am very alive today…" he whispered in a girly voice with squinting tear-filled eyes.

"Okay kids, here's what's going on: Headquarters sighted a blue pattern coming towards us from sea. In around two and a half hours we have unpleasant company here. We don't know any- Asuka, would you please stop torturing poor Shinji's balls and pay attention?"

"I AM paying attention!"

"Yeah, but you're not supposed to pay attention to Shinji's private parts... at least not now!"

Asuka's face was now almost as red as her EVA.

"YOU - WILL - SUFFER - GREATLY!" she growled aloud; gnashing teeth accented her threat.

Asuka's outburst contained many movements of course. Shinji Ikari just wished to be back on his float, alone and painless with the waves. The only waves he felt right now were the waves of agony.

The rest of the drive contained two things. Laughter on the one side and pain on the other.

/ > / > / > Street in the middle of the City / > / > / >

"Hey, is it just me, or is no one else around?"

"They are listening to the 'Go and hide your butt in a shelter' message."

"And, why don't we go to a shelter?"

"We were ordered to NERV Headquarters, we have to go there. Mankind's future may be in our hands!"

"Um... I think you're exaggerating now..."

"Oh yeah? Then try this one, you'll feel great afterwards." Bob said and offered Al something to smoke.

Al was no simple minded person, but when it was up to smoking shit, he was the second to say "Yes". Bob was, of course, first.

/ > / > / > Somewhere deep down in NERV HQ, garages / > / > / >

"I can't walk..." Shinji complained after the first three steps.

"Stop whining!"

"I can't walk!" he said again as he took another step.

"I said shut up. Why can't you walk anyway?" Misato asked sideways.

"Because it hurts!" Shinji almost shouted, the word 'anger' written all over his face.

"Oh come on, there is not that much that can hurt anyway!" Asuka said and smiled evilly to Shinji.

"How do you know? You peeked on him, you horn dog!" Toji said and engaged into manic laughter.

The only thing that appeared strange to him was the fact that no one was laughing with him

That fact alone was frightening, but that the whole group took a step back in union, was horrifying.

Toji turned around, only to see a fist impacting on his nose. Then, everything went black.

"I saw him in the bathroom, you jerk. My poor innocent soul almost shattered at that sight!"

"Who is poor?" Misato asked surprised.

"Who is innocent?" Kensuke wondered.

"What soul?" Shinji asked confused and they all shrugged unknowingly.

"SAY, IS IT REALLY NECESSARY FOR ME TO FLIP OUT AND PERFORM A TRIPPLE HOMICIDE HERE AND NOW?"

Asuka's right eye twitched with amazing speed and her breath was heavy. Many veins showed up on her forehead. Not to mention, that her whole face colour turned from red to dark red. And even though Misato was not really sober, she could swear to see steam running out of Asuka's nostrils.

"Well, she is in the perfect mood for an angel-fight!" Misato said with a smile.

"Yes, but I am not happy. We might not witness that fight..." Shinji whispered from the side.

"Asuka", Misato said as if she was calling out for her puppy, "I've got something for you... An Angel... -Asuka came closer- yes, that's fine... all yours..."

"Did I express myself unclear? Until I sit in my EVA, I don't want anyone of you to talk… nobody!"

If you ever thought to have seen scary eyes, here they are.

Misato inhaled to say something, but Asuka shut her progress off, raising her hand.

"I am serious. You might have a weapon, but I am Asuka Sohryu Langley."

Shinji gestured his guardian to stop, not to provoke Asuka anymore. So, they went on, Asuka leading the group. Misato, Hikari and Rei behind her... Kensuke and Shinji were carrying unconscious Toji, who still had a smile on his face, yet did not look that well.

/ > / > / > Four quiet Minutes later / > / > / >

"See? Some minutes of silence can be so relaxing." Asuka said and smiled satisfied.

"Uh... Icha... naa?" Toji stammered his eyes not adjusted to his surroundings.

"Better make him shut up, or I will shut him off."

"It's alright Toji -pets head- everything will be alright... just remain silent..." Kensuke said caringly.

"But... me ... talk..."

"Toji, please pull yourself together... Langley will kill you if don't shut up!"

"... Devil?" -face punch-

"I am NOT called devil! Remember that! I have a great name: Asuka Sohryu Langley. Beautiful and attractive, admired by many. I am the second Children, the best pilot and probably the most important person on this planet."

"Lecturing him won't have any effect... he's unconscious!"

Asuka slowly clenched her fist, turning around with her right eye twitching.

"I'll MAKE him remember!"

/ > / > / > HQ, Command Centre / > / > / >

"21 minutes until target arrives..." Shigeru said to remind everyone.

"BY GENDO'S FAT ASS, STOP SAYING THE ETA TIME EVERY MINUTE!" Ritsuko barked through the huge room.

"By the way, where is commander Ikari anyway?" Maya asked confused.

Yann-kun: "He took the elevator! He took the elevator!"

"Not here, that's all we have to know." Fuyutsuki said from above.

'Ikari... where the hell are you?'

Then, a flashback came into his mind, followed by another.

/ > / > / > flashback / > / > / >

"Fuyutsuki, I will go to lunch. Tell Dr. Akagi to have my car fuelled up."

"Yes sir."

/ > / > / > flashback 2 / > / > / >

Kozo Fuyutsuki tried to call someone, but no one on the other end answered his call.

"Damn it, what is she doing? Why are ingenious scientists never at hand when you need them?" he asked as he gave up his call try. >>AN: Remember Chapter seven?>>

'Well, the fuel in Gendo's car should last for that trip...'

/ > / > / > end of flashbacks / > / > / >

Vice-commander Fuyutsuki suddenly felt very uneasy in his skin; with a sweat drop on his forehead he stood high above everyone else. Bad images of his future came into his mind.

/ > / > / > Outside of the city, on a dark street / > / > / >

"SHIT!" Gendo Ikari cursed into the night and walked down the street, carrying a patrol can.

"I'LL GET YOUR ASSES FOR THAT... CONSPIRACY... JUST WAIT UNTIL I AM BACK...!" he shouted and pointed towards the city.

/ > / > / > / > / >/ > / > / > / > / > / >

/ > / > / > / > / > / > / > / > / > / > / >

MyWay opens his eyes, yet a bit sleepy: Where am I?

Kenuyasha: In your bed.

MyWay: I see... hey -looking onto his own body- how did I find my way in here?

Kenuyasha: I carried you.

MyWay: Okay, but how did I find my way in here UNDRESSED?

Kenuyasha while thinking: Well, I thought it would be a nice pun to the story if you say that aloud.

MyWay shaking head: Okay, forget about that... Where is my Teddy?

Kenuyasha: Um... perhaps he ran away?

MyWay: Heh?

Yann-kun coming through the door: Hey, did I miss something here -seeing MyWay- Hey Manu, did you know that you are naked?

MyWay with twitching eye: NO... PLEASE, TELL ME ABOUT IT!

Yann-kun shrugging: Okay, you lie in your bed, without any clothes. Everyone can see your-

NOTE: The following scenes were deleted due to the massive use of violence, harsh language and whipped cream. Let's listen to some relaxing music and watch these flowers shaking their heads in the slow summer breeze while waiting for this moment of terror to pass.

Yann-kun and Kenuyasha appearing again, twisted body parts lying in the place where the bed used to be.

Yann-kun: Did anyone actually ever wonder why they are called "First/Second/Third Children"? I mean, isn't it, that each of them is only one "Child", not more than one? Or are they suffering from this special, schizophrenia, which causes you to develop multiple personalities...

Kenuyasha: I think, that's what they call "Engrish"... they just have no freaking idea of what they are talking about, so they just talk.

Yann-kun: I am more convinced by this multiple personality thing... speaking of which, it seems to be contagious... just look at poor MyWay. He's completely out of his mind, not even noticing, that he's undressed. Why did we beat him up anyway?

Kenuyasha: We didn't... he did it himself.

MyWay: I hate editors... (perhaps you ask, why i did not explain "this" is in speech and 'this' in thought; and:this- is some doing while having a call; -this- is some seamless doing in a sentence (or something like that...)... that'sbecause i was unconscious!... i can't do double - anymore, BURN QUICKEDIT and leave me a review!)


	13. Who Is The Bad One

Yann-kun: Great, now we are as far as we were before…

Kenuyasha: Why didn't you stop him?

Yann-kun puzzled: Hey, why me?

Kenuyasha: You are his best friend, aren't you?

Yann-kun: Does 'being best friend' include 'stopping from harm himself'?

Kenuyasha: Yes, it does.

Yann-kun slowly: Okay, I'll remember for the next time.

Kenuyasha: Now what?

Yann-kun: I can read his mind... go on, type what I say!

Yann-kun begins to mumble some gobbledegook.

Kenuyasha typing: Okay... We owe nothing, not Evangelion, not Gainaxx and not -CENSORED- ... "this" is in speech and 'this' in thought; -:this:- is some doing while having a call; --this-- is some seamless doing in a sentence (or something like that...) ...

* * *

Chapter thirteen: Who Is The Bad One? 

In the depths of NERV HQs Garages, there she was: Asuka Sohryu Langley, the second Children and designated pilot of the Evangelion Unit 02. Triumphant she posed herself, grinning satisfied.

"We will be right there --breaking the call-- um... Asuka? Are you done here?" Misato asked unsure.

"Yep... I came, I saw, I am done."

"Okay guys, pick this thing that once was Toji Suzuhara up and get your rears going. We are still under attack!"

Shinji and Kensuke had pitiful expressions as they picked up her friend, carrying him on their shoulders.

"Hey Shinji, the doctors at NERV, they can get him fixed, right?"

"Usually I'd say 'yes', but in Toji's case… I am not sure. I mean, treating wounds an angel caused is easy, wounds caused by a demon are another case..." Shinji said that last part silently; he didn't want to burden Kensuke with his own body as well.

"Did you say something, SHINJI?" Asuka asked from the front, her expression showing a lot of suspicion.

"Me? Oh, just how great you look today." He said with the fakest grin a human has ever seen.

Asuka glanced into his eyes, distrust written all over her face.

'I should have known... why did I open my mouth in the first place?' Shinji thought still fake-smiling.

'Should I stop Asuka? After all, we need Shinji for that angel... but I value my life... damn... BEER!'

'Not another comrade... please god, don't let him die...'

'I am on the tropical beach! I am only watching, not interfering...'

"OF COURSE I AM BEAUTIFUL! --common relieved exhaling-- I am ALWAYS beautiful..." Asuka spoke out loud before she moved on.

'I thought I was gonna die...'

"Keep on moving, we are here for work, not for dumb standing!" the major said, mostly referring to Asuka.

"...said the beer woman..." Asuka stated with disrespect.

"Wanna pick up a fight?" Misato yelled challenging.

"Say goodbye to your life, old woman!" Asuka said before darting at Misato.

"Another catfight..." Rei said shaking her head barely as both women began to fight each other.

--- HQ, Command Centre ---

"Um... procedures force me to say it... so... --inhales and summons courage-- ETA 18 minutes!"

"DAMN, I wrote most of those procedures myself, so SHUT UP or I swear, you won't receive any payment this year!" Ritsuko yelled annoyed.

"Sempai, major Katsuragi just called. She is already here, somewhere in the garages, she'll be up here in five minutes. The pilots are with her!" Maya said to save Shigeru's ass.

"About time she got her drunken butt here. Prepare all Evangelion Units for combat!"

"Hai... most preparations were done already, Plugs are ready, Medical Teams on Standby, NATO Troops in position."

"What do they want anyway? They can't do a single thing against an angel..."

"Just let them be..." Misato said as she arrived.

"Hell that was fast...!" Ritsuko said surprised.

"Status?" Misato asked and took a look at the main screen.

Shigeru, realizing that this would be his one chance to express himself, spoke first.

"ETA, 17 minutes!" he said proudly.

'DIE A PAINFUL DEATH!" Ritsuko thought with a twitching eye.

Shigeru suddenly felt very uncomfortable, as if someone wished him a very painful death.

"What do we know about the angel?"

"Still under water, we actually know nothing but the speed."

"Great, how are the pilots doing?"

-- HQ, Entrance 23 Beta --

"Listen dude, we were ORDERED here, so better let us pass or I'll use my influence so you'll be guarding some icebergs in Antarctica tomorrow!"

"You don't have clearance... I can't let you through!" The guard said calmly.

"Hmm... say, d'you smoke?"

"Yeah, why?" The guard answered unknowingly.

The grin on Bob's face was wider than usual. Al only shook his head

----- HQ, Entry Plugs -----

"Okay, I am armed and dangerous, don't cross my way!"

"Actually a good suggestion..." Shinji said bored, feeling a lot safer now that he sat in his EVA.

…­­

"Oh... are we gaining some balls? Or is it just the EVA protection?" Asuka asked with an evil grin.

"What do you think of me? That I am a bloody coward who only can stand his ground when he is protected by many tons of steel?"

Silence...

"Actually, I do!" Asuka stated flatly.

Shinji let his head sank and sighed aloud.

"Thanks a lot..."

"Are you all ready?" Misato asked over the intercom in her commanding voice.

"Actually... can I go home, take a nap, eat something, and... sleep even more?" Shinji asked with a trace of hope.

"Shinji... The health and well-being of our pilots has highest priority! Of course you are allowed to go home, take your nap and eat something!" Misato said honestly in a mother-like voice.

"Really?" All pilots asked surprised in union.

"Of course ... after you killed the angel, got checked by the doctors, went to debriefing and fuelled my car, you are free to go home, take your nap and eat whatever you consider edible!"

"I should have known..." Shinji sighed into his plug.

"Ready or not... commence mission. Evangelion Units zero, one and two, lift off!"

There it was again, that feeling Shinji didn't like at all. This acceleration which pushed him into his seat so hard, resulting this weird, tickling feeling between his belly and something below.

With a shock, he was at the surface again. The clouds were still thick and dark grey over the city, yet it wasn't raining. The streets were wet, partly the hail didn't melt.

"Proceed to the harbour, the angel will arrive somewhere between dock 15 and 25."

"Let me through, I will finish this at once!" Asuka promised with a glare of insanity in her eyes.

'I remember the last time I fought with her at the harbour... we got our asses kicked... oh please dear lord... not those dance lessons again...' Someone, whose name we will not be mentioned here, thought pessimistic.

The walk to the harbour felt like an eternity. Somehow, Shinji knew that something bad, real bad was about to happen.

----- NERV HQ, Corridor 24B East ------

"You think it was clever to drug the guard down?"

"He was in my way. No one will stop me!"

"Bob, you really start scaring me!"

"I have a mission!"

"Say... what is that mission anyway?"

Bob stopped short and so did Al.

"That, we will find out somewhere inside here."

"Figures..."

------ Harbour, Tokyo three ------

"Where is this fish?" Asuka asked in a very impatient voice.

"It ain't no fish!" Shinji said, bored again.

"It is swimming under water, it is a fish!"

"Why the holy sea-biscuit should it be a fish? The last one coming from the ocean wasn't a fish either!" He complained.

"But the one before that was one!"

"They all are angels." Rei said in her usual "I have no emotions" voice.

"See?" he said proudly.

"Oh please, don't get cocky just because Wondergirl is on your side."

"You are just a poor looser!"

"Just wait until we meet… OUTSIDE of our EVAs… you'll chew your balls!"

Shinji made a grimace of pure depression. Exactly that moment, time froze for the Third Children.

A spine-chillin' feeling caught him as the surface of the sea got broken by something ugly and very big. For some reason, he couldn't move or react. Everything moved with incredible speed, so fast that Shinji couldn't realize what happened.

As quick as it began, as suddenly it stopped.

"The effect on EVA-01's pilot is gone, Shinji is free."

"Eh?" Shinji brought out confused.

"Shinji, whatever you can do, do it!" Misato yelled over the intercom. It wasn't her usual voice. Shinji knew the way her voice sounded like and he didn't like it at all.

Shinji noticed that the harbour was mostly destroyed. He turned around. There it was, the enemy, the angel.

"What the…"

The angel itself looked like a mixture of a dinosaur and fish.

"It's not entirely a fish..." Shinji stated stubbornly.

As he looked closer, he saw that the angel ate something. On first view, Shinji couldn't tell what it was but after some seconds he realized that it was an arm of an EVA, a red arm.

----- Nerv HQ, Command Centre ------

"Its AT-Field is two nanometres above its skin, breaking it isn't possible at this rate."

"How about this laser sword project? Could this light-sabre break the angel's defence?"

Maya typed some stuff into her workstation.

"Even if it could, it is still not fixed..." Shigeru reminded fast.

"The MAGI says it is a 50-50 chance!"

"Tell those dorks of mechanics they have ten minutes to fix the problem!" Misato barked into the room.

"Yes ma'am!"

----- Nerv HQ, Cage 34 - experimental projects ------

A phone rang. The supervisor of this section went to the phone, knowing that whoever it was, that person would not bring good news.

"Cage 34, Uteki here -:listening:- yes, we still try to fix that issue with the heat calibration and -:looks confused:- how long? I would say a month  
-:expression showing pure shock:- TEN MINUTES? -:begins to sweat:- listen, we can screw it together in 15 minutes, but I highly doubt it will work the way it should -:looking for his staff:- no listen, I am short of men anyway, this can't work out -:shaking his head:- yes sir..." The unfortunate man hung up the phone and ran into his office, looking for something.

"Manual... manual... where the fuck is it? -- finds a stack of papers-- Ah, thanks."

He ran into the cage and screamed through the entire hall:

"LISTEN EVERYONE WE'VE GOT TEN MINUTES TO SCREW THIS THING TOGETHER. UMARO AND HIS TROOP WILL TAKE CARE OF THE LOWER PART, FOSTER AND HIS MEN WILL DO THE UPPER PART!"

From one moment to the other, chaos broke loose. Men were running around like headless chicken and yelling was to hear all over the place.

"Uteki, who takes care of the Laser induction unit?"

"Shit... --sees two men coming into the hall-- you two, you will screw the laser induction unit together, here --throws the manual to one of them-- you can't fail with this!"

"Um... Sure!"

Uteki went to help Foster's team.

"I don't think we should have taken those mechanic uniforms..."

"Why not? We are disguised."

"Yes, but now we have to fix that thing up and I know shit about this!"

"We have the manual, we can't fail with this!"

"Oh Bob..."

----- Surface, somewhere where a harbour was ------

EVA-02 was pinned on the ground, missing the left arm. The angel was just above the red Evangelion, about to rip it apart.

"I CAN'T MOVE!" Asuka screamed before insulting the angel in several languages.

"SHINJI, DO SOMETHING!" Misato ordered harshly.

Shinji, not aware that this angel was stronger than it looked like, just began firing with his rifle.

"Take this you ugly shit."

"This won't harm him!" Rei said quickly. Shinji didn't know where her EVA was, but at least she sounded alive.

Shinji, realizing the severity of this situation only saw one option left.

----- NERV HQ, Cage 34 ------

"You done?" Uteki asked, not really thinking that it was finished.

"Yes sir, we fixed the Laser induction unit!"

"Great... Akemi, lend me a hand here!" He yelled, hope in his eyes.

Another man came up and they both drove the Laser induction unit to the rest of the construction.

"I don't believe we actually fixed that thing... Bob, you are a genius!"

"Don't congratulate me yet."

"Why not?" Al asked confused.

"See that box over there?" Bob said and pointed to a small box full of mechanical and electronically parts.

"Yeah, why?"

"I hate it when I fix things and have parts left..."

* * *

Yann-kun: That is what I said? 

Kenuyasha: No, these are the true words of the author...

MyWay: It took long, but is it good? I don't think so... lately I don't even know the meaning of spare time... That's why I write this at work, when I not work. Lately, I had work so... it took long. I hope someone will forgive me.

Yann-kun: Forgive you? Why should someone?

MyWay: Yeah I know...

Kenuyasha: I forgive you.

MyWay: You forgive everyone and everything...

Kenuyasha: True...

Yann-kun: By the way, for how long have you been awake?

MyWay: I was telling her the whole story, while you were mumbling some useless stuff!

Yann-kun: Gah….


	14. Angel of Death

MyWay: Hey, there are still some people who actually read my fic… Me is surprised.

Yann-kun: Yeah, me too… after it took you THAT long to write another chapter…

MyWay: Of course you are surprised… say, why do I call you my friend again?

Yann-kun self-confidently: I am pre-reading your fanfic!

MyWay: Oh right… there actually was a reason…

Kenuyasha-sama: Hey boys, be nice to each other! You are best friends!

MyWay: Yes mistress, I do as you say…

Kenuyasha-sama: Then… STOP ARGUING WITH YOUR FRIEND AND GO ON WITH OUR FANFIC!

MyWay while bowing: Hai hai…

Yann-kun loud: Looser…

MyWay louder: Idiot…

Kenuyasha-sama loudest: DORKS!

MyWay and Yann-kun hanging their heads sulkily: Gomen…

* * *

Chapter Fourteen, Angel Of Death 

Shinji Ikari did what came up to his mind at first. With all the speed he could summon he slammed the angel away from Asuka, landed on her EVA in the progress though.

"Shinji, way to go!" Misato cheered, most probably hoping that Shinji would turn the tables now.

"Get away from me, you are disturbing my performance!" Asuka yelled, kicking and beating around.

"Your performance? You are on the ground, missing one arm and you almost got damaged even more severely and you talk about performance?" Shinji asked confused. "Really, you've got issues…"

"You two, stand up and get into a defence position! Rei, make your way to the Western Industry building and get rearmed… And Asuka, we will re-ARM your EVA later…" Misato said jokingly, the tech trio only shook their heads.

"YOU…" Asuka said inflamed. She was pissed and was way off preventing not to be. Well, in this day of pain and sorrow, does anyone actually believe she would not hit EVA-01's sensitive parts?

Yet, through the EVA protection, Shinji hardly felt pain… considering he got used to pain its no surprise…

"WILL YOU STOP KICKING MY GROINS? JUST FOR THE FIGHT, OKAY?" He yelled into his cockpit. Shinji felt no pain, but he didn't really like it neither.

"Just get away and we have no problem!"

Shinji, his right eye twitching fast, felt provoked. The whole day, shit had piled up inside him, his anger rising with every moment… and Asuka was not really deescalating this situation.

The Angel on the other side decided, that it was time for another attack. With pretty amazing speed it slammed through the arguing EVAs and came to a halt, a few hundred meters later. While Asuka crashed into a bunch of houses, Shinji was thrown onto a gas station and got covered by explosions and flames immediately.

"Damn… Shinji we will send you our experimental weapon through freight shaft 27B, just a few houses away from you!" Misato said, not feeling too comfortable with the "experimental" part of her sentence. "Asuka, stall the Angel!"

"I am a one-armed bandit without a weapon, how should I stall it?" Asuka asked angrily.

"Scratch! Bite! Spit! Throw houses, whatever… just stall it!" Misato yelled over the intercom.

"Just stall it…" Asuka griped and grabbed a nearby car. Even tough a 1,3 ton heavy car would never defeat an Angel, hitting its "face" with a car was good enough for stalling it.

"Gah… I can't find the weapon…" Shinji complained, not seeing much more than flames and smoke.

"Baka Shinji, just find that weapon and kill that ugly thing!" Asuka demanded impatiently and threw more cars at the angel.

"I AM BURNING, I CAN'T SEE SHIT!"

"Rei, grab a gun and fire at that thing before Asuka is running out of cars!"

Shinji stumbled towards the freight shaft, yet he couldn't see it. The Tech-Trio was guiding him.

"Right!" "Left" "Turn around" "Left!" "Almost there" "Right" "Right" "The other right!" "Left" "Watch out!" They guided him, altogether at the same time, yet not into the same direction.

Shinji, confused by so many orders, stumbled over his own feet and fell again.

"BAKA, can't you do anything right?"

Shinji laid there, his eyes closed. He knew if he wanted to do something about this situation, he needed to calm down first. He focused on his breathing; long slow breaths. He switched off the communication so he could concentrate.

Now, he was at peace. All he could hear was the fire, which burnt peacefully on his EVA. The pain was nothing compared to what he experienced today, so it didn't bother him.

While Shinji gathered himself, the outside was still fighting.

"Wondergirl, give me some cover, I am a sitting duck here."

"Understood." Rei said and started her supporting fire.

Asuka ran over to pick up another gun as a bullet from Rei's rifle hit her.

"What the… WONDERGIRL, WATCH YOUR AIM!"

"It is moving and my EVA got damaged, I am trying my best!"

"Time to handle things myself!" Asuka said silent to herself as she reached for a gun in the nearby freightshaft; a pumpgun!

"I'LL SHOOT YOUR HEAD OFF, YOU FREAK!" Asuka yelled as she tried to cock the gun… then realized that a second hand would come in handy right now.

The grumbling noises from Asuka made clear that she understood the situation very well. But instead of giving up, she took the handle between her chin and her shoulder and cocked the gun with an expression of insanity.

The angel, quiet and motionless started to transform into something else.

"Major, its changing its appearance. AT Field getting stronger!"

"Damn, Shinji, where are you?"

The angel, now looking like a scaled primate with tons of muscles was less impressed by Asuka's attempts to kill it. It lunged forwards and knocked her over.

'Shinji-kun, we need you!'

Shinji opened his eyes… this voice inside his head, where did it come from? And why does it sound so familiar? Female and gentle, holding hope and emotions…

The young Ikari felt like strength was running through his veins more than ever. He tried to stand up, and in the process got hold of a building.

"Hey… isn't that?" he asked himself as he saw the building.

Asuka, kicking and beating around in anger knew that she could not get away from the angel. Even Rei's marksman fire did not disturb the angel.

"FUCK OFF YOU LEECH!" Asuka screamed and kicked the angel where Shinji got kicked several times today. The Angel, missing any reproductive organs, was little impressed by this.

And just as no one had hope left and the angel was about to rip Asuka apart, a progressive knife flew towards the angel, piercing through its AT like a warm knife through butter. This left a cut on the angels face, stopping all its movement. Then, a light, coming from the fires and the smoke, brought new hope to them all.

"HEY APE! Why don't you dance with someone your own size!" Shinji shouted cocky as he held his light-sabre in front of him.

The mood in the control room changed immediately. Everyone started clapping hands and cheering.

"Okay Shinji, slice that demon for good!" Misato ordered cool over intercom.

Because the angel wasn't sure of whom to attack, EVA-01 started running towards it. It seemed that the angel did not know what a light sabre is, at least not at that time.

Shinji jumped towards the angel and cut off its left arm without any problems. The angel took a step back and looked at his wound. Again, it transformed into something else. Something more human with long claws on its right hand.

"HAH! CLAWS? AGAINST A LIGHT-SABRE? YOU FOOL!" Shinji yelled and laughed…

… until his light-sabre began to fluctuate.

"… uh oh… this can't be too good…" He said and the sabre shut itself down.

Silence consumed the entire scene for a couple of seconds.

"…this, in fact, is pretty bad." the now embarrassed pilot murmured to himself.

"What the fuck happened there? What does the head-mechanic say?" Misato asked through the control room.

"It seems that it got overheated… the mechanic says, there has to be something wrong with the heat calibration of the laser induction unit… it might be ready for operation in a minute or two!" Makoto said, concern written all over his face.

"MIGHT?" Misato screamed, desperation in her voice. "Shinji, stall it, do whatever you can to buy time!"

"Buying time? It will tear me apart in no time!" he whined and started to defend himself against the brutal attacks. The next 90 seconds were nothing but Shinji-slashing. More and more of his EVA's amour was torn off by the angel and no one could help him, not to mention that he has lost his weapon.

Asuka rolled on the ground, having a hard time getting off the ground and Rei had damaged legs and was as slow as a snail…

'I am fucked… I am fucked… I AM SO FUCKED!' Shinji thought as the angel pierced through the EVA's chest, lifting him up and throwing him into the outer limits of downtown Tokio-3.

"Shinji needs that weapon… Asuka, can you reach the light-sabre?" Misato asked concerned, her forehead covered in sweat. The only hope they had was that Shinji could get a hold of that weapon.

While Asuka robbed towards the light-sabre, Shinji stood up and was about to run from the enemy, but a sudden jerk made him fall backwards again, his head landing next to a big fuel tanker. 'Phew, at least I didn't hit that one, but…'

"He's out of Umbilical cable!" Maya screamed in panic. Now Shinji was a sitting duck. He could only go into one direction; but there was the angel.

'… this is still NOT good!' he thought in panic, his eyes wandering from one dead-end to another.

"SHINJI!" Asuka screamed as she stood up, the light sabre in her hand. "CATCH!"

EVA-02 threw the handle towards Shinji, who thought that he was now on the lucky side again, stood up and smiled… Until the sabre activated itself in midair.

"Concentrate Shinji… you can do it… the force is with you!" Shinji told himself, focusing on the flying light sword.

To Shinji, everything seemed to move in slow motion. He had prepared the catch and the timing was about right.

'Just a little step backwards' Shinji thought as the sabre was near.

Shinji, who took his step backwards, was quite startled as the street gave in and he broke through to the sewers, falling backwards in the process. As he fell, he looked to the ground where he could see a giant crocodile disappearing in the sewers. As he turned his attention back to the flying light sabre, he realized that he shouldn't have made that step.

A horrible crashing sound was to hear as EVA-01 made impact with the ground. Shinji looked into the sky, asking himself why everything was going wrong that day.

He took a look at the EVA's left arm, or more at the remains of it. The left forearm was cut off by the sabre and Shinji had no idea how to defeat an angel unarmed with only one hand…

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Shinji whined like an old dog in the rain.

----- tropical island ----

"Oh boy… now what Shinji? You are quite -" God said before he got knocked out. Jesus, a solid bottle in his hand, looked down on his father with anger.

"You are supposed to help people, not torture them… time for a dramatic change of events…"

Jesus got himself seated on the divine chair and crunched his knuckles.

"Let's ROCK!"

----- Tokyo three, god knows where we are in the ruins -----

"Why….? How can I do this? There is nothing I can do about this…" Shinji complained quiet into the streets.

Maya, who just finished her first analyze of the angel's cut off arm, spoke up with surprise.

"Sempai, this angel has a skeleton structure that appears to be almost human…"

Ritsuko went over to Maya's workstation, observing the results.

"Hmm…. Marrow, nerves, muscles, veins… except for its look, it could be human. Even though I can't guarantee for any innards… but if it has veins to transport blood, then the blood must be circulated somehow…" Ritsuko said and stopped to catch a breath and another cigarette.

"So… it should have a heart which we could stab?" Makoto asked insecure.

"Maybe… but we don't know for sure… not to mention that we don't know where its heart is located or if that would kill it…"

"Then we make it easy…" Misato began and opened a channel to all pilots "…Kids, this thing can be killed like a human… since we don't know where its heart is, just go for a headshot!" Misato ordered with a smile.

Ritsuko just started frowning as she began to smile.

"Plain, but effective!" The blonde scientist admitted and shrugged with her smile. "Yet, how do you plan to cause severe damage to the head area? Gunfire won't do enough damage because of the AT field. And hand-to-hand… I mean, out of six possible hands, two are missing and two are attached to an EVA who can't move properly."

"It's possible though!" Misato lectured, not giving up on her plan.

"I think we need help from god if we want to get through this!" Ritsuko said and sighed, realizing that she didn't help much.

"What are you talking about? God won't help us we have to do it ourselves!" Misato answered in anger, not even looking at her friend.

"You mean, god won't help you! He is one of my best buddies, he won't let me down!" Ritsuko stated in a megalomaniac way.

"What are you talking about, you don't HAVE any buddies!" Misato said barely noticeable while smiling afterwards.

"Oh yeah? Well at least I am getting laid!" Ritsuko stated proudly.

THAT was way below the beltline and everyone knew it.

"IF I WANTED TO, I COULD HAVE EVERY MALE HERE, RIGHT AWAY!" Misato yelled back, ready to turn loose on her (former?) best friend.

------ just a couple of metres higher ------

Vice-Commander Kohzo Fuyutsuki has cursed this day several times… first time this morning, when he had to find out his toilet was congested while he was in a very need… then, Gendo smiled as they passed each other, what actually freaked Fuyutsuki out… his card key for NERV HQ broke while he was on the tram, not using his car 'cause he broke that key too… then the angel came, while the head of NERV was not to be found… and now, it seems like the day went to its climax…

Below him, chaos was loose. Technicians were hiding behind their desks as several heavy items were to be thrown by both of the argument parties. It didn't take long until Shigeru accepted bets from all viewers on who would win this fight…

Fuyutsuki had the silent hope that Makoto's words of reason would stop them, but the fact that the young man was unconscious by now with many bumps on his head was not too promising…

"I hate my life… … GENDOOOOO?" the old man whined as he tried to come up with a strategy for this fight… and maybe even for a good plan against the angel.

------ at a street we were at in chapter eight ------

Gendo was walking down the wet street not showing any sign for his bad mood. On the other hand, he always looks creepy…

That all changed as his right leg broke through a gully and almost made him fall into the sewers. With much effort and the use of very harsh language he was able to prevent this, but lost his shoe in this progress. The only thing that stopped him from performing a multiple homicide was the fact that another shoe was already down there, giving him the comforting thought that he wasn't the only unlucky guy.

As a matter of fact, he only didn't kill people because none were around… but back to the story.

----- cockpit EVA-01------

"Headshot…. Headshot…. With what? Damn it…" Shinji mumbled to himself. He heard many voices and screams over intercom but none were meant for him. He just kneeled there on the street, looking at the fuel tanker he barely missed before. He thought of all the movies and anime he saw, trying to figure out how to blow off that enemy's head.

"Wondergirl, grab yourself a sniper, I will distract the angel!" Asuka ordered, not really expecting anyone from the command centre to object.

"Understood." Rei acknowledged right away… HQ wasn't that helpful right now and she knew it.

'Think Shinji… THINK! Not even a wrestler could beat him now… if only I was Bruce Lee… … --frown-- Martial art… --smirking-- NINJA!' he thought, still staring on the fuel tanker.

"Shinji, run when the angel is looking the other way!" The second children said and made her move to distract the enemy.

"It's a one-shot option, but if that works, he is done for!" Shinji mumbled to himself, yet loud enough for everyone to hear…

"What are you talking about? I told you to get your ass out of there!" Asuka yelled, sighing in frustration.

But Shinji did not move. He felt like someone else's luck was running through his veins; he felt invincible. Just as the angel was about to follow Asuka, a car flew past the angel's head, turning its attention back to Shinji.

"BAKA! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" Asuka screamed, her eyes showing blood lust. Not only did she scream but also scare all the others.

Shinji did not answer. He knew if this would turn out to be not working, he should not brag now…

EVA-01 was in a hand-to-hand defence position, with its good arm on its back, the other half arm extended to the angel.

"COME HERE, BIG BOY!" Shinji screamed, trying to lure the enemy toward him.

And it worked. The angel, pissed about all that confusing movement around him, was out for blood and it chose Shinji to satisfy this desire. After an eardrum piercing scream, the angel lunged towards EVA-01, ready to rip it apart.

"REI, geta bigger gun and fire, I will throw something… Shinji has lost it and we need to fix it!" The young red head said, cursing Shinji with every beat of her heart.

"What is he doing?" Maya asked but barely someone in the control room understood what she said, they were all busy saving their lives.

Shinji sat in his cockpit breathing slowly.

'This will work… this will work… this will work… THIS WILL WORK!" He thought as the angel was only 5 seconds away. With a swift movement, EVA-01 got into a kneeling position, swinging its good arm around. In its hand was the fuel tanker and as Shinji smashed the tanker to the ground below him, the EVA was covered by flames and smoke in no time.

The column of smoke was about two times the size of an EVA high and still growing.

The command centre watched as the angel was right in front of the smoke, slashing through the smoke with much violence.

"EVA-01 switched to internal power supply!" Shigeru yelled and wiped the sweat from his forehead, still holding a bunch of cash in his hands.

"Shinji…" Asuka said silently into her cockpit, a car still in her EVA's hand, the grip tightening.

Because of the speed the angel had the smoke was pushed away, at least at the angel's level.

Revealed was… nothing. No EVA-01 and no Shinji, just the end of the umbilical cable.

"YOU BASTARD!" Asuka yelled in complete hatred as she threw the already smashed car towards the angel.

The angel turned around quickly and stopped the flying car with its claws, standing straight like a candle.

"THE ANGEL'S AT FIELD IS BEING NEUTRALIZED BY EVA-01'S AT FIELD!" Maya stated louder to get eveyone's attention… and it seemed to work. Silence was in the room… most probably because Ritsuko Akagi and Misato Katsuragi were both unconscious. Both were knocked out by the teaser guns the vice commander was still holding.

"But where..." Fuyutsuki asked from above, blowing away the non-present shooting smoke from his K.O. tools.

"PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR CLOSEST ENEMY!" Shinji shouted cocky as EVA-01 broke through the smoke above the angel.

"THIS IS IT!" Shinji screamed and clenched EVA's fist. With all the force he could summon he beat straight on the angel's head.

The entire staff of the control room had their jaws hanging low, watching in awe how Shinji managed to trick the angel.

"Is he trying to break the angel's neck?" Makoto asked insecure.

"…by increasing the pressure to the neck to a maximum…" Maya answered concerned as she took a look at her favourite sempaí.

"But will this really work?" Bob asked from the side.

"SSHHHHH, we are not even supposed to be here, don't annoy strange people!" Al said and pushed his friend to the exit…

Everyone was just shaking their heads and turned their attention back to the main screen.

It was no more than a moment, but to Shinji it seemed to be a lifetime. He prayed that this action would not be his last and finally he heard something break as the angel's head gave in a little. From then, it took no more than a second till the both were on the ground.

"Did he defeat it?" Asuka asked hopingly.

But to Shinji's displeasure, the angel was still moving… more uncontrolled than anything else, but still moving.

Shinji only shook his head, asking himself if this was all the luck he could get.

------Tropical Island------

God stood right next to the divine chair, in which Jesus was lying, gasping for air.

"Holy heaven… it took all my powers to just let him have this little luck… what did you do to him?" Jesus asked out of breath.

"Hey, I just emptied his fridge this morning; everything else is not my doing!" God exclaimed and held his hands up to indicate his innocence.

"You mean… this all is his own bad luck?"

God only nodded as Jesus began to shake his head in disbelief.

* * *

* * *

Well… a lot of time since I last updated… I deeply apologize for that bows in front of all the readers I have good and bad news….

The good news are, I already have the plot for this story going on (you don't honestly believe that it is over now, do you?) and the bad news… let's shoulders hang before yelling in tension I'VE LOST ANOTHER SOCK! NOOOOOOO!

Yann-kun: Is he alright?

Kenuyasha-sama: Well, he didn't really loose it, he just forgot it at my place.

MyWay: Now I got a single black and a single grey one… What should I do? How can I go on living like that? --sobs miserably--

Yann-kun: …. Oookay… I think someone needs a nap… BAD… dear readers, the author will be back, hopefully with socks that match …

MyWay angrily: STAB DEEPER, BRUTUS!

Yann-kun: By the way… we didn't disclaim yet, did we?

MyWay: Hmm, good point… Hey everyone, I own nothing anymore… whatever you just read, it is not mine… the plot idea is… the characters and all the stuff, is not… too bad…

Kenuyasha-sama petting MyWay's head: Hey hey, you own something!

MyWay surprised: I do?

Yann-kun: Yeah, two non-matching socks!

MyWay: JUDAS!


	15. Bad Habits And Angels Die Hard

"Eat Fresh!" This is in speech (personal revelations meant for everyone to know)

'Where is the remote' This is in thought (means, its only in your cute little head)

-:Vino's Pizza:- This is what you'll hear when you dial a certain combination of numbers in your phone!

**Stretch** Stuff you do WHILE you talk/breath/exist!

-\-\-\-\-\-\- flashback -\-\-\-\-\-\- This is the start of a flashback

-/-/-/-/-/-/- flashback end -/-/-/-/-/-/- NOT the beginning of a flashback; you'll figure it out!

!(A/N: I love Rock'n'Roll)! Urgent messages from the author to his beloved readers!

--

Yann-kun: Hey, MyWay! Who would have guessed, you're back again! And this quick...

MyWay: Art takes time... but you wouldn't have an idea of that. You're a musician.

Yann-kun: **frowns** Reading your past few stories, I noticed that the appearances of "GOD" increase rapidly. Whenever I read those passages, I see GOD looking like your dad to me. Yes... the more I think about it... Your dad is the most striking god-lookalike I have ever seen.

MyWay: Are you aware that you are talking bullshit?

Yann-kun: **not listening** Yes! Even more, now it all makes sense! I always noticed a slight change of light in the room when your dad enters. It even seems to me, that he has an aura of light around him.

MyWay: You're low on oxygen...

Yann-kun: But if your dad is god... that'd make you Jesus! And that would make you responsible for everything that happens to Shinji...

MyWay: Did I ever explain the meaning of "fiction" to you?

Yann-kun: Of course! You ARE Jesus... you're writing all this!

Kenuyasha: **entering** Did I miss anything?

MyWay: Nothing special... Yann-kun's loosing it. There'll be a repeat...

Kenuyasha: But didn't a drunken friend recognise you as Jesus just this New Year's Eve?

MyWay: You're not exactly helping right now!

Yann-kun: **still babbling in the background** HA! And now I know where your SOCK IS!

MyWay: **alerted** Yes? Tell me!

Yann-kun: You must have lost it before you were crucified. I cannot recall any pictures of Jesus wearing socks.

MyWay: Go – to - hell.

Yann-kun: Might be there... might be, true...

* * *

Chapter Fifteen: Bad Habits And Angels Die Hard

Shinji felt desperate. This last attack represented everything he had left, yet the angel was still moving. For a microsecond, the thought of putting the angel in an enormous restraint jacket crossed his mind; he discarded that thought instantly though.

"Asuka, ... a little help maybe?" Shinji cried out as the angel took a hold of him.

"Understood… Wondergirl, grab a gun and help us out here!" The red haired pilot said and began running towards EVA-01.

Rei grabbed a nearby rifle and began aiming, yet waited for a good opportunity to shoot.

The angel's grip around EVA-01's neck tightened and Shinji began gasping. It was this moment when Shinji got sight of the light sabre; only a hundred meters out of reach.

'The angel wouldn't be able to dodge an attack from this close… but how to get it?' he thought as he extended his EVA's arm, still too far away to reach it.

-- Tropical Island --

"Hey Pops, come on and help him out a little… I would do it myself, but I am all weak!"

"Weak? Look at yourself, you can't move and you drool… ah well I'll do it, but just because you're my favourite son!"

"I'm your -ONLY- son!" Jesus reminded his father with a slight tone of annoyance.

"Yeah, how about we cut the self pity and the _Oh, I was crucified_ crap to a minimum and concentrate on poor little Shinji, okay?" God said with a sweat drop on his forehead. There are certain things any son finds hard to forgive. Being crucified or having a girl's middle name is just two of them.

-- Tokio Three, Yamada street corner main street --

Shinji Ikari was about to give up; to let this day of hell (aka Asuka Day) finally end… but fate (or more like God) had another plan for him. It was this moment when Shinji saw a short flick of a movie in his mind, inspiring him beyond inspiration.

'Maybe…' Shinji thought and stretched out the remaining arm of his EVA towards the light sabre.

It actually looked like he wanted to use telekinesis on that weapon. Or maybe he was just low on oxygen...

"I… can't use a … th-thing like _the force_……but…." Shinji barely whispered; his throat still being squeezed tight, blood scarcely reaching his brain.

"Leave him alone!" Rei cursed quietly as she shot at the angel. She hit the angel's back, but the AT field shielded it. To everyone's surprise, the point where the shot hit glowed in a bright light.

"That's bad!" Shigeru yelled in quite haste. "The rifle is loaded with tracer ammunition!"

"WHAT??" Fuyutsuki yelled from above, his face shading slightly red.

-\-\-\-\-\-\- flashback -\-\-\-\-\-\-

"Hey Al, what ya think this console is for?" Bob asked and started to push some buttons.

"Boooob, stop that… I swear, you will get us in so much trouble…" Al cursed as he tried to fix a little problem with a recently broken part of the laser induction unit.

"Ah, I just pushed three buttons, let me handle that thing… I will fix it for good!" Bob said, rolling up his sleeves.

It is true, someone forgot to log off from that console… And yes, Bob only pushed three buttons… _Selecting weapon_, _selecting ammunition_ and _confirm_…

-/-/-/-/-/-/- flashback end -/-/-/-/-/-/-

"Great… this is just getting better and better…" Fuyutsuki said and sighed in frustration. Where the hell was his faithful flask when he really needed it?

"Shinji will loose consciousness soon!" Maya cried from her workstation.

The old professor knew that if EVA-01 was lost, a success would be even further out of reach… not to mention that Gendo would disembowel everyone who did not prevent that destruction.

"Time to sacrifice the City… Prepare everything for N² bombardment!" Fuyutsuki ordered with a stern expression on his face.

"But sir… Unit 01 and 02 are still nearby to the target… their AT fields are weakened by the angel… they'll might take heavy damage, if not even worse!"

"I said _prepare_ the bombardment, not execute it." 'Sure, I destroy Unit-01 myself; I'll be Gendo's Most Wanted...'

Meanwhile, in the purple EVA's cockpit

"…but I have an AT Field!" Shinji yelled as he took the last of his concentration to create an AT Field around the light sabre.

His veins showed visibly as he tried to move the weapon towards himself, pulling back his AT field. And slowly, it moved. It began rolling towards EVA-01 and Shinji would have gotten it… if it weren't for that Angel, lifting the EVA and slamming it back into the ground hard. Shinji, unable to see a thing, missed his chance to grab the weapon and so it rolled past both, Angel and EVA.

'So much for plan A...' Shinji thought as he suddenly felt cravings for a cheeseburger.

The Angel released him and drew its hand back, only to prepare its final move on Shinji.

Time went by slowly and the angel actually seemed to smile, being about to pierce through the EVA's chest with his claws.

While the facial expression of EVA-01 cannot show a complex facial expression like a smirk, the angel could _feel_ the smirk on Shinji's face.

"You didn't honestly believe that I thought I could reach that thing myself, did ya?" He asked, feeling victorious as the sound of the light sabre activating was to hear. It's always good to have a plan B...

Behind the angel a well known redhead had an expression of insanity gracing her face as she slashed right through her enemy, which was followed by a high pitched squeak and an average sized explosion (well, average for angel's that is…)

The command centre was filled with bright light. Tension filled the room and the sound of popcorn being eaten

"Angel… DESTRUCTION CONFIRMED!!" Shigeru yelled and pushed the "PLAY" button of the intercom entertainment system (known to us as base-wide CD player).

Aoba Shigeru waved his hands in a matter that was supposed to imitate a conductor's movement as Bizet's "Les Toreadores" (Carmen Suite No. 1 mind you) began to play.

While at first his actions were judged as 'stupid' and 'ridiculous' more and more people decided to join in and within a minute, NERV HQ has morphed from a stern organization into a party zone.

At first, orders were not executed... then, orders weren't even given anymore.

'Well… since Gendo ain't around…' the grey haired man thought and let the mood get to him. He smiled and moved his head slightly, matching the rhythm of the music.

Shinji wasn't sure if the people in the control room were tortured or just partying. The yelling, the screaming... the flow of beer? Shinji, expert in his surrounding sounds at home, recognized immediately that Misato must have been there, either drinking the last beer of her life or just the first of many to-be-followed victory beers.

What Shinji was sure of, is the fact that his balls were in pain, probably due to the fact that Asuka didn't hold back a bit on that Angel and sliced through it AND EVA-01's crotch armour. On the other hand, thinking of Asuka holding back, just because HE is in the line of fire, seemed so ridiculous to him, that he had to chuckle.

It wasn't exactly a piercing pain, more like as if someone put his private parts into a pot of boiling water, left it there for 15 minutes and then served it to a bunch of starving piranhas for a late night snack.

Shinji was also not sure if he passed out because of the pain or simply because he was exhausted, but the fact that he opened his eyes to his very own uninhabited tropical island was proof enough that he in fact DID pass out.

"Oh no... You know what?" He yelled at no one in particular as he started walking a circle "I've had enough of this... girls making out and I can't have any? Engines asking for booze? Fishing rods? Not going to happen! You hear? NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!!"

Shinji didn't like his place of solitude that he wished for this morning. As a matter of fact, he didn't want to be there so hard, that he started running towards the next palm tree, one objective in his mind.

If his theory was right, passing out in the real world brings him to Torture-Island. Now, passing out in the unreal world should logically bring him back to Torture-Reality.

He heard a sick cracking sound as his head made contact with that thick tree. Luckily, there was no pain attached to it.

The sweet smell of disinfectant made him smile. He was in the medical wing... he was able to confirm his findings as he opened his eyes and saw a so familiar ceiling (number 17 "Honey-bunny" by the way; yes, he gives each ceiling a number and a nickname).

'At least I got some rest...'

"Ah, Shinji-kun… I thought you'd sleep longer than just 30 minutes." Ritsuko said, her hand still flexing uncontrollable from time to time (never mess with the vice commander!).

"Can't you just put me to sleep? How about an artificial coma?" Shinji suggested with his weakening smile and a yawn.

Ritsuko frowned but decided for herself that he wasn't serious.

"Moving on… Good news first!" The blond doctor said, shaking her right hand to get rid of the flex-attacks. "…There are no serious injuries from that fight… I AM kinda curious though… How did you manage to receive so many bruises in one day and still live to tell?"

"All higher beings conspired against me and thought of the most sadistic way to entertain themselves." Shinji cursed, hoping to get his chance for payback, maybe one day...

"Okay... well, your genitals look like they've gone through a lot… I asked the others, no one has seen anything like this before."

…

"Whoah... wait a second... You didn't show around a picture of my private parts, did you?" Shinji asked shocked.

"Shinji, I am a professional, I wouldn't do that" 'Mental note: Gotta take down the pictures from the message board.' "They've all come to see it first hand!" She said with a kind smile.

"HELLO?? **slightly flipping out** I'd prefer my balls not being part of some NERV-Curiosity sightseeing tour, god damn it!" Shinji complained aloud, anger letting him forget any sort of politeness.

"Stop being so selfish! It's been for medical research you egoistic fool…" '… and I made 50 bucks…' "… Anyway, nurse Akiho will take good care of you since I have an urgent appointment to tend to." She said with a self-satisfied smile on her lips.

Shinji sighed in defeat; not only did probably everyone see his private parts, he would also never hear the end of it...

While young Ikari kept moping inside his room, Dr. Akagi was giving instructions outside.

"Listen Akiho, to my left is young Shinji Ikari, who simply needs some vitamins and stuff… to my right is Mr. Iraki, who seems to have some digesting problems… an enema should at least solve the problem for now… and use force if you have to… he doesn't like the idea and tries everything to prevent it!" Ritsuko said and took a look at her watch. "Damn, I'm late… don't forget, Ikari is left, Iraki is to the right" she yelled while fasting down the corridor.

The only flaw in Ritsuko's plan is that she was facing away from the rooms while young Akiho WAS facing them (Yep, POV 180° around!).

"Well, well..." Akiho Futanabe said as she entered the Shinji's room "... I am sure we can handle that little problem of yours." She assured with an evil smile.

"Uh oh..." Shinji muttered, feeling bad things coming up with that woman.

"Just ease up sir, I'll get the enema in a moment... just lean back and relax." She said, read something from his chart and left again.

Shinji knew it was time to get disappeared if he didn't wish to spend an agonizing hour in the bathroom. He knew the medical wing like no other and therefore, that escaping through the door wouldn't work. The nurses had an eye on the corridor and he wouldn't make it down the wing before an orderly would catch up to him... these guys were muscle packed and if you try to escape, they mean business.

His only hope was the air ducts. He had this plan laid out back when he was stuck here for a week; compliments of Asuka.

Without making any noise, he climbed up to the air duct, removed the cover with surgical precision and crawled into the chilled air channel.

Covering the opening again, he started his slow paced escape through the unsuspecting air ways.

'It will take her at least another two minutes to come back... by that time, I'll be in the boiling room, making my run for the elevator!' Shinji thought with a smirk, feeling confident about his plan.

His plan was perfect. Straight to the main duct, then right till the disinfection smell stops, left and then right again till the sounds of medical machines is gone and then the third opening to the bottom.

"Getting a little warm and steamy here..." he muttered to himself, not worrying too much though. After only ninety seconds, he reached his destination.

The air duct opening was one meter above the ground, so getting out of there was no problem. Though, he couldn't see the ground because of all the steam. He removed the cover with the stealth skills of a cat, held tight to the rim and started lowering himself.

Suddenly, shock and worry were written all over his face as he hung all the way from the edge, still not touching ground. Being more than a meter tall, a problem in the equation was apparent.

What young Ikari didn't know was that the new duct towards the brand new Employee Comfort Deck (yep, the Spa) was placed just days after he memorized his awesome jail-break plan.

'Ok, just concentrate... I might be able to pull myself back up **tries to pull himself up**... on the other hand... **failes miserably** damn, I should really work-out like Toji suggested... If up doesn't work... let's go down then... can't be that-' Shinji thought and froze as he heard movement.

People were still able to jeopardize his escape plan greatly, especially if they knew him.

"I am so glad this was built... finally time to relax" Misato said and let out a moan.

"Yeah, at last a woman get's to heal her tormented body in a place worthy of herself!" Asuka ranted, sounding rather satisfied with herself.

'Oh fantastic... the dynamic duo is right underneath me, and I can't get up...' Shinji thought bitter as tears of frustration ran down his face.

"Hey girls, got some room in there? I brought Maya along!" Cheered one happy Ritsuko Akagi as she entered the water of the NERV Indoor Hot Spring Bath; the female side.

"Urgent Appointment MY ASS, WITCHDOCTOR!!" Shinji hissed, barely audible. After all, it was HER who ordered the rectum probing nurse on Shinji's sore rear.

"Did you say something, Misato?" The fake blonde asked as waded towards her friend.

"No... Rei, did you?"

"No, major."

'Of course... to complete the circle of doom, Ayanami has joined the Shinji-smash-mob...' Young Ikari thought angrily as his grip on the edge started to loosen.

-- Los Tropicalos Islos --

"Holy shit, you see that? The only females he knows that are not in that room is that Hikari girl and the enema-nurse... That dude is priceless; way better than Pay TV!" God said with lots of fascination and a club soda in his right hand.

"Taking several thousand years of human evolution into consideration; has anything like that ever happened before?" Jesus asked in an almost childish-curious tone as he reached for the popcorn.

"Son, you can live forever, but a day like this is so unique, in a couple millenniums you won't even believe yourself it ever happened!"

* * *

Yann-kun: You know what? That sucked... you suck... why did it take that long anyway?

MyWay: Bite me, I moved to another continent, married and now have three cats and a dog...

Yann-kun: Well, **nodding** that explains some... by the way, you didn't disclaim!

MyWay: Right... I really own nothing (I mentioned that I married?) so sue someone else...

Kenuyasha with a smile: I own lots of stuff! **Pointing towards stuff** see? You can use it!

MyWay: Yeah, thanks... That all used to be my stuff, WIFE!!

Yann-kun smiling: ...And they lived happily ever after!


	16. Light versus Dark Luck

MyWay: I can't believe you're doing this to me… why do you guys ignore me like that? I updated my story, not for myself, but for you! And as a sign of gratitude I only get one review? ONE??? I thought our relationship was more than just THAT…

Yann-kun curious: Say, what happened to him?

Kenuyasha: Ah… I think he snapped. He was happy to see that many people read this story and the new chapter, but got … a little choked up about just having one review… next thing you know, he's facing the wall, wearing nothing but a loin cloth and talks to the wall as if it were the readers. For a good 16 hours now.

Yann-kun: Should we call for professional help?

Kenuyasha: We better… last time I saw him like this, he started rubbing BBQ sauce all over himself and then he began smack-talking a tree… naked.

MyWay in the background: … For YOU I did this… This is not the way I raised you! I thought I taught you better than that! Just you wait until your father comes home!

Yann-kun: Think he still knows that he is a guy?

Kenuyasha: I truly hope so! I think he is at the boiling point, let's be careful now!

Yann-kun out loud: Now, one review isn't so bad… it means you totally suck and no one appreciates your work, but hey, that ain't no reason to go ballistic, right?

…

MyWay outraged: THAT'S IT YOUNG MEN… WHERE IS MY WILDFIRE SAUCE???

Kenuyasha sighing: … You just couldn't resist, could you?

Yann-kun filled with glee: Nope

Magic Voice: THE DEMENTED AUTHOR OWNS NOTHING, NOT THE STORY OR THE CHARACTERS... not to mention his own mind...

* * *

**  
Chapter sixteen: Light vs. Dark (Luck)**

At last, humidity, exhaustion and lack of work-out made Shinji loose contact with the air duct. Terminal velocity is 9.81 m/s². And Shinji truly hoped that he was high enough to die on impact. Otherwise, the resulting Shinji-bashing would exceed everything any twisted fanfic author could think up.

And then, a high pitched yelp and a loud splash.

------ Tropical Island ------

"Unbelievable… This is near impossible!" God said as he leaned closer to the divine TV; only to get smacked by Jesus.

"Outta the way, screen hog!"

They both watched the instant replay in awe.

"That Maya chick fell into the water the exact moment Shinji did… this is amazing… I didn't think he had that much luck…"

"I wonder where he could have gotten that much luck from all of a sudden." Jesus asked no one in particular, scratching his chin.

In the background, Buddha lays dead on the shore, his entire body smoking.

----- Nerv Spa ------

Shinji didn't dare to move, not even to breath. He fell into the pleasantly warm water and for a reason unknown to him, the women have not noticed him.

"Are you alright Maya?"

"Yeah, just slipped… those over-hours drain me, I tell you that!"

'Ahh… okay… So far, so good… I need to hide!' Shinji thought and looked around for cover… but the steam was still too dense to make anything out. It started to clear though. Which meant one thing: They would be able to see him in just a few moments.

'Okay, nowhere to hide… but hey, towels… that might work' Shinji thought as he grabbed nearby towels.

Shinji Ikari might be in fact the only man who knows how to successfully wrap a towel around the head. Women, of course, are born with that ability.

So, after discarding his hospital gown and wrapping his head, his torso and his bruised private area into towels, he did a self check.

And was not satisfied… something was missing… something, female. And then it hit him.

He took another towel and stuffed it into the cleavage.

'Great, now I look like a minor with triple D breasts… who cares… just gotta get out of here in one piece…' he thought and started his way towards the exit.

He would not blink or even dare to disrupt his auto-pilot moving. Slow and steady, that would work for him!

"Ah, Asuka is starting to grow some serious hair down there… natural red-head indeed."

"Oh stop that Misato… just because- wait a second, you shaved!"

"Ahhh… most likely for Kaji, isn't that right, Misato?"

"Oh just shut up! Blonde upstairs but brunette downstairs, huh? Can't fool us, girl!"

Was it just Shinji or did the temperature in the spa rise all of a sudden? And why did he start feeling dizzy?

As he got to the exit, he was about to leave when a certain thought crossed his mind.

------ Heaven ------

"Muahahaha… not so fast, little Shinji… let's see… this lever here… and that button… implanting thought… per-fect!"

------ NERV ------

_They are all naked. You don't want to miss that, do you?_

This was of course true. All the girls in there were wearing nothing; Maybe a towel at the most. And that talk just now about _natural hair_ colors made him slightly curious!

So, even though his polite self, his intelligent self and the self that tries real hard to keep him alive told him not to, he turned around to savor the view.

And savoring he did. He felt tempted to yell JACKPOT out loud, but thought it might attract unwanted attention. The steam had just cleared enough to show details.

After about ten seconds, intelligent self managed to get drooling Shinji back into motion. So, even though he would die justified and happy, he left the spa…

… only to come to the girl's locker room. Which, how else could it be, was filled with pretty much every female NERV member there is; at least, that's what Shinji thought.

'Okay, play it cool, don't forget breathing… and just keep walking!' Shinji thought as his legs started to move again.

All went well for about five seconds, then a young section two officer noticed him. For another two seconds, nothing seemed wrong. But then…

"WHAT THE HELL YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING HERE?!?" She yelled, getting everyone's attention.

"Who? Me?" Shinji asked in a girly voice. He didn't try for a high pitched voice, it just came naturally with the fear; like a bonus.

"Of course you, young man! You better have a very good explanation for your presence."

'How did she figure me out?' Shinji thought in panic.

As if the young woman could read his mind, she pointed about three feet below his face.

Realizing that staring at naked women causes in healthy young man a certain body-reaction, Shinji saw himself outnumbered. He was slightly happy to know that his reproductive attachment was still working after what he went through today; he just deeply cursed the timing.

'Crap… Be a man, do the one thing that should be done!' he thought and started to plough through the now shocked mass of women. They were taken back because now only the towel around his head concealed something, the other two were discarded to create a diversion; which worked well until one of the girls shrieked.

"What is going on?" Misato yelled as she ran into the locker room, followed by all others.

"There was a peeping Tom, he came out of the hot spring!"

"There was a pervert that watched us?" Maya asked shocked.

Asuka was smiling. Not the kind smile she rarely showed anyway. It was the I-am-about-to-kill-someone-and-bathe-in-his-blood anticipation smile she used ever so often. Without delay, about 25 women went after Shinji, not caring about their attire; or the lack of.

In the hallway, Shinji went into sprint mode. He had no idea where he was but running was his only option. He wrapped the only remaining towel around his waist and ran like a race horse.

---- elsewhere, but not too far----

"I tell you, we shouldn't be walking around here… we are no NERV personal!" Toji said and stretched his sore bones.

"Give me a break… they left us all by ourselves… us walking around is to be expected. Besides, this might be my only chance to see the inside of NERV HQ!" Kensuke retorted as they went around a corner.

About 30 meters ahead was a T-section. Nothing special. But for a fraction of a second, a half naked boy was to see, running for his dear life.

"Was that Shinji wearing a towel?" Hikari asked curiously.

"Who knows, wouldn't surprise me today… Come on Kensuke, let's get back to that waiting room. Can't you see my point? There is nothing special to see here except Shinji half-naked. It's government after all, boring and-" Toji was cut off as an angry mob of 25 women rushed after Shinji.

Both boys stood there frozen with Hikari frowning deeply.

"Was that…?"

"12 women wearing underwear und 13 women towels…"

They both fell silent again as someone blue haired ran by.

"… And was that…?" Toji asked.

"A very naked Ayanami Rei … yes" Kensuke finished, holding back the drool.

Another five seconds went by, then Toji turned to his friend.

"Think they take applications?"

----- 35 seconds ahead of the shinji-smash-mob -----

Shinji sped up and after only a few turns he came across two mechanics.

"Guys, there is 20 or more women trying to kill me… Please stall them somehow!" He begged, never stopping.

The two mechanics looked at each other and nodded. Shinji had two allies at last. The tall mechanic grabbed something from his pocket and smiled.

30 seconds later.

As Asuka turned around a corner, she stopped rapidly.

"What the hell?" she asked out loud.

"Looks like a wall of smoke!" One of the other women blurted out.

"Let's go around it then, HURRY MEN! TEN-HUT!!" the enraged red-head yelled to motivate her killing squad. They departed the other way.

------ inside the smoke ------

The clasp of a high five could be heard as both men leaned back satisfied.

"Operation Weed-Wall was a full success. Good thing I keep a big Dobie with me at all times, ey pal?"

"Bob, you sure know how to sacrifice for the greater good…"

"Got that right! Now hand that thing so we can move on…"

------ Somewhere else in the infamous NERV building ------

A man stood in an elevator. Which, by the way, happens quite a lot in this facility. This particular man was not a no-body though. Commander of the Tokio-3 Nerv Headquarters, Ikari Gendo rode the elevator to the command level.

And he was pissed. Even more pissed than the time a cigarette butt was tossed out of a car and set his hair on fire. No, someone was about to have a very bad day. He would make sure of that, personally.

At this moment, the elevator doors opened, even though he was not on the command level. At first, this enraged the old Ikari. How would a simple elevator dare to taunt him like that? But if life closes a window, it just might open a door for you.

About 50 meters down the corridor was the young Ikari, only wearing a towel. He seemed out of breath, almost as if he was in trouble.

Then, both Ikaris met their gazes. One was cold and indifferent, the other hurt and looking for help.

"Shinji! Come quick!" Gendo said, gesturing a helping hand. He had a smile on his face, not to be seen ever since Yui died.

Shinji couldn't believe this was happening. His own father, thought to be a heartless bastard, was about to save him.

"Father!" He yelled and ran towards his old man, tears of joy in his eyes. Was he wrong all those years? Did his father look out for him after all?

As Shinji got closer to the elevator, his father's nice smile morphed into an evil smirk.

"Father?" Shinji asked nervously as the doors started to close.

"NO FATHER, DON'T LEAVE ME AGAIN! NOT TODAY! PLEEEAAASE!!" But Shinji's pleading was met by deaf ears. Gendo Ikari let out a relieved sigh as he heard his son's body smash against the outside of the elevator.

"Much better…" he muttered with satisfied smile and a nod. _You would be surprised how much better you feel once you've ruined someone else's day_; The Trademark Motto of Gendo Ikari.

Shinji sobbed loudly as he went down to his knees. How could he have been so foolish? Like believing a drug addict that he doesn't do drugs no more and give him $200 for his daughters education fund. Right… Shinji thought himself to be on a moral low, even considered how crappy his day was.

He barely noticed the door opening down the hallway, revealing more than a handful female NERV employees racing towards him. His eyes saw all that, but his brain just didn't click yet.

It took him a good five seconds until the gears started grinding and he jumped to his feet.

And jumping he did, sprinting away from his going-to-be assassins, thinking _must run away, must run away_ over and over as he came to realize that he was running in a circle. The smell of burnt Happy-Herbs reminded him of the elevator on the Southside. People tend to use it to reach the roof, officially to catch fresh air, though their slowed pupil reaction when they come pack to duty lets assumption lead elsewhere.

But that elevator was still quite far away, compared to the mob behind him, which seemed to gain ground on his very person.

He turned around a corner, just to slide through an opened ground panel. Which was opened by the mechanic, who tried to fix an AC3-Relay problem.

Shinji plummeted through several layers of wires, cables and stuff he did not recognize, just to break through the ceiling and come to a vertical halt on tiled floor.

"Where did he go?" Asuka asked as she grabbed the mechanic.

"He fell through the floor… down to the cafeteria!"

"Cafeteria it is ladies!" Asuka yelled and they set back into motion.

Meanwhile, Shinji recovered from his rather unpleasant encounter with the immobile, yet sturdy floor.

"Where the hell…" he muttered, but trailed off as he got sight of a vending machine.

Vending machine meant food. And food was something Shinji hasn't seen ever since the hotdog massacre this morning. Without thinking, he rushed over to the unsuspecting machine and pushed buttons like crazy.

Naturally, without inserting any money, Shinji wouldn't get his desired nutrition. Resignation kicking in, Shinji dropped to his knees, then fell to the ground altogether As tears again started to form in his eyes, he spotted something shiny under the vending machine.

To Shinji's delight, it appeared to be a coin. One coin with enough monetary worth to get something to eat on top of that. Shinji snatched the coin immediately, inserted it in the vending machine and looked for the calorie bomb in the machine.

Nerv's _Angel Killer_ was well known by all employees to be a sufficient supplier of sugar and calories to keep even the hardest working body moving for at least eight hours. The WHO successfully banned this artery clogger all over the world, except Tokio-3. Sweet-tooth Ikari may have had a hand in keeping it around in this city.

The tides turning, Shinji watched pleased as the vending machine started to serve his salvation.

To his not-so-surprising horror, _Angel Killer_ was stuck in the machine.

He knew that rocking the machine to release the goods was near impossible for the weakened Shinji.

So, as an Emergency Act, Criminal-now-inclined Shinji passed a bill that allowed him to take a nearby metal chair and smash the machine to bits for as long as it took to get something out of it.

As said chair came into contact with the vending machine, Shinji started wondering if he would get into big trouble for losing his sanity… but apparently no one would ever know. Because the chair broke into pieces, unlike the glass of the vending machine.

------ Science Research department Delta, NERV HQ ------

"Final Test, Pissed off Employee: Success. See, told you that new _angel proof_ glass is ready for a real field test. I mean, after this, Commander Ikari has to approve. Make sure to send him a copy of this… I didn't visualize that employee in a towel, but hey: Can't predict everything!"

"I still think it's wrong to rig the vending machine so it wouldn't spit out any food. People get sort of cranky when that happens…"

"That was the point! I wanted the focused anger that would not arise under other circumstances." The Head researcher said with lots of melodramatic acting.

"There once was a guy named "Mengele", I think you and him would have become very good friends, you know?"

"Shut up, it's for the sake of science!"

------- Somewhere near the Command Center -------

"Something good just happened." The older Ikari said with a smile. He continued his walk to the Command Center, not caring anymore about chewing anyone else out today. Earlier he had a hard time not to cuss in front of everyone. By now, he had a hard time not smiling like an idiot.

------ Cafeteria --------

"AAAAAAAARGH!!!" Shinji yelled as he tried to now bite his way into the vending machine. Chipping of a piece of tooth he realized the futility of his project.

After resignation kicked in, again, Shinji started for his elevator of salvation again. 'No time to gripe, again!' he thought to himself.

Shinji Ikari, who spent a boatload of time walking the corridors of NERV in an attempt not to have to be home with his two ladies, might be the only guy employed by NERV who actually knows his way halfway around this place. Everyone else gets lost a lot, especially people who are often drunk and in charge.

Slightly out of breath, Shinji arrived at the Southside elevator, counting his blessings. He was done pretty fast with that; bloodhound Sohryu Langley had found him.

The dimly lit corridor didn't give Shinji much options for hiding or running. It was all on his friend, the elevator, now. It opened in time, but Shinji had a bad feeling as he pushed the same button over and over. He didn't even look at the button. His eyes were trained on Asuka, who, if he wasn't mistaken, had foam around her mouth.

The doors closed, leaving Shinji breathless in the cabin. The many women smashed against the doors of the elevator, which sounded to Shinji like very strong hail. Shinji seized this opportunity to catch his breath and release about 12,5 metric tons tension that had been on his shoulders.

"Alright, now I only have to get out of here somehow..." He trailed off as the elevator opened up again, in the medical bay.

"Listen, he is about 15 years of age, has dark brown hair, blue eyes and looks like shit. If you see him, use all and any means necessary to bring him back. No one makes a fool of-" The nurse from hell stopped short, spotting Shinji in the elevator down the small corridor.

And so did the three steroid pushing orderlies.

"Oh, wrong floor... my bad!" Shinji said and pushed the button for the roof.

It may be due to the intense hunger, the amount of pain he went through today or maybe he just had a vivid imagination, but the ground seemed to be shaking with every running step those three killing machines took towards his position. As their shadows started looming over him, he turned so white that the average German looked Jamaican in comparison.

Though, once again, the doors closed just in time to save his life. The impact of almost 300 pounds of muscle mass from each orderly made the cabin shake and Shinji was certain that the stainless steel doors were bent, even just a little.

"OH YES... HE LIVES TO SEE ANOTHER DAY... WHOOOOOHOOOOO!" Shinji yelled as he arrived at the roof. He left the elevator to get onto the tiny observation deck. As he got to the railing, he realized that there was no way he'd get down that way.

Luckily, there was still the stairs. While the bunch of people that tried to kill him would be on their way to the roof, he would be heading down the emergency stairs, to the garage, high jacking Misato's car and credit card and then straight to the next burger joint!

His plan had only one slight flaw. The door to the staircase was an emergency only door; only to be opened from the inside.

The latest development stuck Shinji like lightning, especially since the elevator just went down, to pick up a handful of extremely pissed-off people. Two doors, one locked from the other side and that was about to turn into Pandora's box.

Shinji did not like his options. Not even a little...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Police Officer: … If you can keep him away from the park no charges will be filed. If we catch him like that in there again, he's going down, got that?

Kenuyasha. I understand officer, thank you a lot for bringing him home.

Police leaves the scene.

Yann-kun: I wonder why he did that

Kenuyasha smacks Yann-kun hard

Kenuyasha: Because you jerk set him off… Bad Yann-kun!

MyWay: Ok… everything is cool… I am under complete control now…

Yann-kun: Hey, you noticed? You got a second review! That means you only suck half as much as we initially suspected! Isn't that great news?

Twitch

MyWay roars: HUMAN KEBAB FOR DINNER!!!

Yann-kun amazed: Look at him go… like a machine! Even that wall couldn't stop him…

Kenuyasha growling: I - HATE - you!


End file.
